BJ 


UC-NRLF 


SB    Eb3    751 


\\    •  V-M        UVI 

Im-.m 


University  of  California. 


GIFT   OP' 


PRESENTED  BY 

MRS.  ELISABETH  THOMPSON, 

OF  NEW  YORK. 


PHELPS'  ELEMENTARY  READER 


FOR  PUBLIC  SCHOOLS. 


For  seldom  yet  did  living  creature  see 
That  Curtesie  and  manhood  ever  disagree. 


Spencer's  Faerie  Queene. 


Manners  are  what  vex,  or  soothe,  corrupt  or  purify,  exalt  or  debase,  barbarize  or  re- 
fine us,  by  a  constant,  steady,  uniform,  insensible  operation  like  that  of  the  air  we 
breathe  in. 

Burke. 

Extreme  youth  gives  hope  to  a  country;  coupled  with  ceremonious  manners,  hope 
soon  assumes  the  form  of  confidence. 

Beaconsfield. 

And  if  ye  salute  your  brethren  only,  what  do  ye  more  than  others. 

St.  Matthew. 


\_Sixih   Edition.'] 


BRATTLEBORO',    VERMONT, 
CHENEY  &  CLAPP. 


SAN  FRANCISCO,  CALIFORNIA, 
I.  N.  CHOYNSKI, 

Agent  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 
1881. 


COPYRIGHT, 
CHENEY  &  CLAPP. 

1876. 


PREFACE.   ;yERSITY 


The  following  treatise  on  Good  Behavior  has  been 
compiled  from  the  best  sources,  and  is  drawn  up  under 
a  provision  of  the  early  educational  laws  of  several  New 
England  States.  It  is  designed  simply  as  a  READER  for 
the  reading  classes  of  Public  Schools,  and  for  no  other 
purpose ;  though  at  times  the  TEACETER  may  find  it  neces- 
sary to  call  the  attention  of  the  pupil  to  some  particular 
passage,  or  precept,  and  require  him  to  read  it  aloud  for 
his  especial  observance.  The  rules  of  Good  Behavior  are 
social  laws ;  and  whoever  would  be  just  and  true  must 
first  prescribe  laws  for  himself  before  he  undertakes  to 
impose  them  upon  others.  We  read  that  Lycurgus  the 
lawgiver  forbade  his  subjects  to  have  any  written  laws, 
because  he  thought  it  more  conducive  to  the  virtue  and 
happiness  of  a  state  that  governing  principles  should  be- 
come interwoven  with  the  manners  and  breeding  of  the 
people.  The  habits  which  education  created  in  the  youth 
of  the  country,  he  thought,  would  have  the  controlling 
effect  of  law.  The  principles  that  are  instilled  in  the 
process  of  acquiring  the  art  of  reading,  are  the  most  likely 
to  produce  an  abiding  influence  upon  the  character  of  men. 

It  was  said  by  Franklin,  that  with  all  branches  of  prima- 
ry education  there  should  be  constantly  cultivated  that  be- 
nignity of  mind  which  shows  itself  in  searching  for  and 
seizing  every  opportunity  to  serve  and  to  oblige.  It  is  the 
foundation  of  good  breeding ;  highly  useful  to  the  posses- 
sor, and  most  agreeable  to  all. 


CONTENTS. 


I.  GENERAL  PRECEPTS. 

II.  DRESS.          • 

III.  CARRIAGE  AND  BEARING. 

IV.  CONVERSATION. 
V.  AT  THE  TABLE. 

VI.  RIDING  AND  DRIVING — THE  PROMENADE. 

VII.  AT  SCHOOL.        .... 

VIII.  WASHINGTON'S  RULES  OF  BEHAVIOR. 

IX.  THE  RESOLUTIONS  OF  EDWARDS. 

X.  JEFFERSON'S  TEN  RULES.  .     . 

APPENDIX. 
Hints  for  the  building  of  School  Houses. 


NOTE  TO  THE  TEACHER. 

It  is  designed  that  the  instruction  to  be  derived  from  this  book  on  the  all 
important  subject  of  good  behavior,  or  self-discipline,  shall  be  conreyed 
through  its  use  as  a  READER,  the  practical  application  of  the  rules  and  pre- 
cepts being  left  chiefly  to  the  reflection  of  the  pupil;  and  for  this  purpose  it 
is  to  be  read  through  at  least  once,  during  each  term  of  the  public  school 
course  of  education. 


GOOD  BEHAVIOR. 

ARTICLE  I. 

GENERAL  PRECEPTS. 

1 .  Man  in  society  requires  laws  for  the  control  of  his 
actions.     But  there  are  many  things  upon  which  our  hap- 
piness depends  which  are  of  so  delicate  a  nature  that  the 
mere  laws  of  the  land   cannot   reach  them.     To   supply 
this  deficiency,  well   ascertained  rules   and  principles  of 
social  intercourse   become    necessary ;    and    these    rules 
and  principles,  which  must  be  determined  by  good  sense 
and  experience,  are  to  govern  us  in  that  course  of  conduct 
which  is   variously  termed  urbanity,  civility,   politeness, 
good  manners,  good  breeding,  good  behavior,  etc. 

2.  By  these  principles  we  are  required  to  govern  our 
natural  impulses  ;  restraining  those  which  might  prove  of- 
fensive, and   directing  others   so   as  to  render  them  the 
most  agreeable.     Whatever  natural  peculiarities  of  char- 
acter a  person  may  possess,  and  however  charming  some 
of  them  raay  appear  in  all  their   untrained   exuberance, 
yet,  it  must  be  remembered  that,  they  would  lose  nothing 
of  their  value,  but,  on  the  contrary,  would  be  heightened 
in  effect  bv  being  exhibited  in  accordance  with  the  rules 


6  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

of  good  breeding.  And  no  one  should  indulge  the  fancy 
that  he  is  possessed  of  an  originality  of  genius  which 
places  him  above  the  observance  of  these  rules ;  for  it  is 
remarked  that  true  genius  is  generally  accompanied  by 
benevolence  of  disposition  ;  and  politeness,  as  we  have 
elsewhere  stated,  is  benevolence  in  little  things.  But 
of  little  things  life  is  made  up  ;  and,  as  their  sum  total 
may  be  productive  of  either  much  pain  or  pleasure,  as 
pleasure  is  the  end  that  we  all  in  common  seek,  and  as 
rational  pleasure  is  a  just  pursuit,  we  cannot  be  too  atten- 
tive to  the  little  elements  on  which  it  depends. 

3.  Let  us  reflect  for  a  moment  what  our  feelings  are 
on  witnessing  an  enemy  tying  in  death.  All  our  animos- 
ities are  at  once  forgotten ;  na}7,  we  reproach  ourselves, 
perhaps,  for  the  many  annoyances  which  had  embittered 
his  life,  and  which  we  might  have  easily  spared  him.  We 
look  upon  his  past  career  as  that  of  a  frail  human  be- 
ing like  ourselves,  blind  and  erring  amidst  the  obstacles 
and  difficulties  which  an  inscrutable  Providence,  alike 
stern  and  good  to  us  all,  had  thrown  in  his  way :  we  look 
only  upon  the  hardships  and  adverse  fortune  which  he  had 
to  encounter,  and  regard  him  as  one  who  had  ever  been 
more  deserving  of  our  sympathy  and  support  than  of  our 
opposition  and  dislike.  This  solemn  lesson  from  the 
grave  should  throw  its  influence  around  us  wherever  we 
go,  whether  into  the  peaceful  shades  of  retirement,  or 
amidst  the  conflict  and  jostle  of  the  busy  scenes  of  life. 
It  would  soften  the  asperities  that  serve  to  irritate  and  vex, 
it  would  strew  flowers  in  the  place  of  thorns,  hallow  our 
lives,  dignify  our  character,  and  lend  new  charms  and 
amenities  even  to  the  beauteous  face  of  Nature  herself. 
Human  felicity  depends  not  so  much  upon  the  laws  enact- 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  7 

ed  by  legislatures  as  upon  the  little  attentions  that  may  be 
paid  to  each  other,  day  by  day,  by  individual  citizens. 

4.  The  sea  too,    as  well  as  the  grave,  is  not  without 
those  solemn  lessons  that  may  calm  our  spirits  and  chasten 
our  manners.    While  out  upon  its  stormy  waters,  how  fool- 
ish then  appear  the  passions  that  rage,  perhaps,  in  some 
small  village  upon  the  land  ! 

5.  Or  even  when  languishing  upon  the  bed  of  sickness 
— how  frivolous  seem  the  thousand  conflicts  that  embitter 
life  !     And  how  beautiful  then  does  health,  freed  from  its 
turbulent  passions,  divested  of  needless  strifes,  seem  to 
lie  like  a  promised  land  in  the  distance,  in  all  the  inviting 
loveliness  of  harmony  and  peace  !     And  how  ardently  do 
we  promise  ourselves,  if  it  be  restored  to  us,  to  correct  our 
errors,  pluck  out  useless  thorns,  and  in  their  place  seek  to 
cherish  the  friendly  offices  of  kindness  and  regard ! 

6.  Such  lessons  as  these,  from  Nature  in  her  most  se- 
rious aspects,   should  be  heeded  while  we  are  yet  in  the 
robust  state  of  health  and  youth.     They  are  voices  that, 
like  the  creative  spirit,  move  over,  the  wild  chaos  of  im- 
pulse in  the  3Touthful  breast,  and  may  attune  the  manners 
not  only  to  the  proprieties  of  the  social  world,  but  to  the 
harmonies  of  the  universe. 

7.  And  first,  it  may  be  laid  down  as  a  maxim,  that 
the  only  basis  of  good  manners  is  a  pure  morality.     It  is 
true  that  the  manners  of  a  bad  man  may  be  polished  and 
easy,  but  they  can  never  be  truty  refined.    One  should  live 
with  men  as  if  seen  by  God,  and  commune  with  God  as  if 
heard  b}~  men.    He  who  lives  otherwise  will  ultimately  dis- 
close an  irregular  character. 

8.  There  is  nothing  which  costs  less,  and  at  the  same 
time  is  so  valuable  as  good  manners.    They  serve  to  guard 


8  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

us  against  surprises  in  the  multifarious  intercourse  of  life, 
which  might  impair  the  integrity  of  our  moral  character. 

9.  However   rude  others  may  be,  we  ourselves  must 
always  be  civil  and  polite.     The  rules  of  good  breeding 
are  often  the  defence  of  those  who  infringe  them  the  most. 

10.  In  our  intercourse  with  the  world  we  should  en- 
deavor to  'be  always  cheerful,  and  at  times  may  be  gay, 
but  never  moody,  churlish,  nor  ill-natured.    What  can  not 
be  said  in  good   nature   had   better   not  be   said  at   all. 
Though  nicknames  expressive  of  kindness  and  endearment 
may  at  times  be  permitted,   as   for  instance  in  families 
and  among  very  intimate  friends,  }ret  in  general  they  are 
too  vulgar  to  be  used  b}^  genteel  persons.    Give  every  one 
his  due  name  and  title. 

11.  Some  young  men  have  the  idea  that  a   practical 
familiarity  with  evil  is  necessary  in  order  to  complete  their 
knowledge  of  the  world  ;  but  if  man  fell  by  a  knowledge 
of  evil,  it  is  evident  that  the  more  familiar  with  it  he  is,  the 
more  he  will  fall.     "  Evil    communications  corrupt  good 
manners.  "    Be  discriminate  in  favor  of  good  acts.     It  was 
well  to  sacrifice  doves  in  the  temple,  but  it  was  wrong   to 
sell  and  traffic  in  sacrifices  there. 

12.  It  was  the  opinion  of  Isaac  Walton  that  a  true 
gentleman  should  be  learned  and  humble,  valiant  and  in- 
offensive, and  virtuous  and  communicable. 

13.  To  laugh  in  a  loud  tone  is  exceedingly  offensive 
to  cultivated  persons,  as  is  also  stamping  with  the   feet, 
or  making  a  loud  noise  while  walking  over  floors.     And', 
indeed,  anything  in  one's  bearing  which  is  bustling,   or 
designed    to    attract   attention,   is   generally  inconsistent 
with  politeness.    .  As  far  as  possible   all  occasion  for  the 
remark  or  observation  of  others  must  be  carefully  avoided. 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  ^          9 

The  polite  person  is  quiet,  simple  in  bis  manners,  and  un- 
obtrusive, and  ma}'  always  be  recognized  by  these  traits.,,. 

14.  By  shunning  affectation  we  shall  spare  ourselves 
and  others  a  great  deal  of  unpleasantness.     It  is  a  viola- 
tion done  to  Nature,  which  offends  every  one,  and  is  a 
species  of  untruth. 

15.  Stud}7  to  frame  your  expressions  in  terms  of  kind- 
ness and  respect ;    for  a  careless  word   may  inflict  cruel 
and   unmerited  pain.      Avoid    as  far   as   practicable  ex- 
pressing }rour  opinions  upon  wrong  actions,  for  while  you 
are  hardly  capable  of  judging  of  the  whole  ground,  you 
know  not  whom  you  may  thus  offend.     To  speak  in  sharp 
tones   of  censure   in   ordinary   conversation   becomes  no 
one ;  and  it  is  better  to  leave  our  sentiments  to  be  in- 
ferred and  justified  by  our  usual  mode  of  life.     We  may 
know  the  tree  by  its  fruits  ;  and  need  not  eat  of  such  as  we 
do   not   like.     Leave   judgment  to   Him    who  knows   all 
hearts. 

16  Passing  between  persons .  who  are  engaged  in  con- 
versation with  each  other,  or  between  persons  and  the 
fire,  or  unpleasantly  near  to  them,  should  be  avoided.  If 
it  were  to  become  necessary,  one  should  sa}~ — "  With 
your  permission,  Sir,  or  Madame," — " Excuse  me,  Sir," — 
at  the  same  time  making  the  person  addressed  a  respect- 
ful obeisance. 

17.  As  raiment  is  necessary  to  decency,  so  charity 
should  cover  many  of  the  frailties  of  humanity.  Delicacy 
of  sentiment,  as  well  as  respect  for  humanity,  requires  us 
to  abstain  from  unnecessarily  exposing  the  faults  of  our 
neighbors.  Of  all  persons  there  is  no  one  so  truly  ridicu- 
lous and  pitiable  as  he  who  ridicules  others.  It  brought  a 
curse  upon  Ham.  It  is  often  the  evidence  of  great  self- 


10  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

conceit  and  over-weening  vanity,  or  of  some  more  latent 
and  worse  defect  of  character  still.  They  who  sought  to 
compass  the  death  of  Socrates,  began  by  ridiculing  his 
natural  defects  of  person  on  the  stage ;  and  they  who 
derisively  wagged  their  heads  at  a  crucified  Saviour,  were 
triumphing  in  their  own  disgrace. 

18.  It  is  easier  for  wit  to  be  malicious  than  magnani- 
mous.    Which  would  .you  prefer  to  be  considered,  gener- 
ous or  witty,  just  or  brilliant  ? 

19.  To  rally  or  joke  one  upon  any  subject  must  be  very 
delicately  done  to  be  permissible :  and  least  of  all  should 
one  make  rude  allusions  to  a  person's  courtship  or  marriage. 

20.  Pretentions  that  go  beyond  the  bounds  of  modesty, 
and  great  ambition  in  [little  matters,  such  as  a  display  in 
dress,  manners,  and  etiquette,  though  they  may  excite  the 
admiration  of  the  ignorant,  are,  with  the  well  bred,  only 
subjects  for  pity. 

21.  In  doing  your  friend  a  favor,   or  making  him  a 
present,  strive  to  render  it  agreeable   and    acceptable  to 
him,  and  be  particularly  careful  not  to  lay  him  under  any 
obligation,  and    never  allude  to  it   afterwards.      No  one 
will  thank  you  for  imposing  upon  him  a  restraint.     Stud}7 
liberality  in  your  gifts  ;  they  benefit  the  giver  rather  than 
the  receiver.     To  render  the   practice  of  liberality  easy 
and  graceful,  children  should   be   taught   to   share   their 
things  with  others  from  their  earliest  da}Ts. 

22.  Never  complain  of  the  wrongs  or  injuries  that  you 
may  have  received  ;  for  the  world  is  prone  to  impute  one's 
complaints  to  some  defect  in  himself  rather  than  to  the 
injustice  of  others.      Eeligion  teaches  to  forget  injuries. 
Acts    of    ingratitude    are    much    oftener   suspected    than 
committed. 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  11 

23.  The  well  bred  man  is  always  careful  never  to  make 
direct  inquiries  of  any  person  concerning  his  absent  friends, 
lest  he  might  intrude  upon  some  unknown  grief.     While 
receivng  visits  he  never  exhibits  any  signs  of  uneasiness  or 
inconvenience  from  the  presence  of  his  visitors,  however 
much  he  might  wish  them  absent,  and  he  never  shuts  the 
door  after  them  violently,  on  their  taking  leave. 

24.  One  will  seldom  err  by  maintaining  a  firm  faith  in 
the   dignity   of    human   nature,    and   in    lending   a   slow 
credence   to   whatever  is   monstrously   disgraceful   to  it. 
Charity  thinketh   no   evil.      A  proper   avoidance   of  evil 
suspicions  will  save  the  spirit  from  much  unhealthfulness, 
as  well  as  the  features  from  certain  lines  that  tend  to  mar 
their  beauty. 

25.  It  is  a  mark  of  true  gentility  to  treat  the  lowly 
with  kindness  and  affability.     A  sneer  as  little  becomes 
the  countenance  as  irony  does  the  speech ;  the  less  they 
are  indulged  in  the  better.     A  coarse,  ill  bred  person  will 
often  be  rude  and  insolent  to  inferiors. 

26.  Never  treat  any  one  with  contempt. 

27.  Malice  and  envy  will  always  be  felt  by  the  weak ; 
but  good  manners  are  a  training  that  will  aid  us  to  sup- 
press their  exhibition,  and  even  by  degrees  to  overcome 
their  prevalence  in  society. 

28.  Coughing,  sneezing,  clearing  the   throat,   etc.,  if 
done  at  all,  must  be  done  quietly.     Sniffing,  snuffling,  ex- 
pectorating, must  never  be  performed  in  society  under  any 
consideration. 

29.  In  all  our  relations  with  our  fellow  men,  whether 
public   or  private,   anything   approaching   to    coarseness, 
undue  familiarity,  or  levity  of  conduct,  is  prolific  of  evil. 
As   the  vestal  virgins  of  Rome  were  entrusted  with  the 


12  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

care  of  that  sacred  fire  which  was  never  to  burn  low,  and 
never  to  be  allowed  to  go  out,  so  are  our  wives,  mothers, 
and  daughters,  charged  with  the  no  less  sacred  worship  of 
decorum.  No  amount  of  wealth,  no  amount  of  gener- 
osity, no  amount  of  good  management,  can  make  a  house- 
hold respected  where  decorum  and  good  breeding  are 
wanting.  The  tone  of  vulgarity  infects  alike  the  nur- 
sery, the  kitchen  and  the  drawing  room,  and  is  carried 
with  us  like  a  contagion  wherever  we  go.  A  woman  ex- 
ercises so  much  influence  in  her  home,  that  the  power  of 
banishing  an  evil  element  rests  chiefly  with  the  wife, 
the  mother,  or  the  daughter  of  the  family.  If  they  are 
uniform!}7  refined  and  modest  in  word  and  act ;  if  they  re- 
prove every  approach  to  lightness  of  conduct  or  indelicacy 
of  speech  ;  if  the}'  deprecate  all  possible  inroads  upon  the 
mutual  respect  which  it  is  so  essential  to  maintain  between 
the  members  of  a  famity,  they  will  assuredly  have  their 
reward  in  the  peace,  order,  and  happiness  of  their  home. 

30.  If  a  person  of  greater  age  or  higher  position  than 
your   own  desires  you  to  step   first  into   a   carnage,    or 
through  a  doorwa}T,  it  is  more  polite  to  bow  and  obey  than 
to  decline.    Compliance  with,  and  deference  to,  the  wishes 
of  others,  if  not  carried  to  the  extent  of  impairing  moral 
integrity,  is  the  finest  breeding. 

31.  On  entering  a  morning  exhibition,  or  public  room, 
especially  where  ladies  are  present,  it  is  good  breeding  to 
lift  the  hat  and  give   the   assembl}7  a  bow,  by  way  of  a 
general  salute  to   the   compan}7.      The  Frenchman  often 
does  this  on  entering  the  railway  car.     It  is  not  pleasant 
to  be  gazed  at  when  entering  an  assembly. 

32.  Be  careful  never  to  make  long  calls  or  visits  ;  and 
avoid  examining  or  handling  the  things,  either  upon  the 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  13 

table  or  elsewhere,  in  your  friend's  house,  unless  invited 
so  to  do.  Never  touch  objects  of  art  with  the  fingers, 
cane,  nor  umbrella,  nor  even  point  at  them. 

33.  A  wide  latitude  must  be  allowed  in  Republics  for 
difference  of  opinion,  but  every  one  is  responsible  that  his 
own  opinion  shall  conform  to  the  truth,  as  nearly  as  possi- 
ble.    As  two  persons  often  mutually  step  aside  in  order  to 
avoid  an  accidental  collision,  so  it  is  better  to  divert  dis- 
cussion from  that  direct  opposition  of  opinion  which  leads 
to  heated  and  useless  controversy. 

34.  Persons  of  genteel  breeding  will  never  indulge  in 
what  the  ill-bred  call  jokes,  which  are  often  coarse  mis- 
representations  of  fact,  or  perhaps   positive   falsehoods, 
delightful  only  to  malicious  tempers  and  perverted  tastes. 
This  vulgar  trait  has  been  noticed  from  very  early  times. 
The  Bible   speaks  of  men  who   scatter   fire   brands   and 
death  in  the  community,  and  claim  exemption  from  the  ill 
opinion  which  their  wickedness  merits,  by  saying  that  they 
are  only  in  sport,  as  if  their  amusement  could  mitigate  the 
wrong   and  suffering  which  they  inflict  upon  others.     A 
passion  for  equality  may  lead  people  to  tear  each  other 
down  ;    but  a  passion  for  liberty  and  fraternity  should  in- 
cline us  to  build  each  other  up. 

35.  The  occasional  pleasantry  in  which  the  well-bred 
indulge    never  conceals   nor  misrepresents  the  truth,  but 
merely  throws,  as  it  were,  a  thin  gauze  over  it,  heighten- 
ing the  pleasant  effect  as  the  veil  sometimes  does  that  of 
beauty,  which  it  shields  from  too  close  a  gaze.     Plain  sin- 
cerity and  truth  are  always  the  best  breeding. 

36.  The  essence  of  politeness  consists  in  so  conduct- 
ing ourselves,  in  word   and  manner,  that  others  may  be 
pleased  both  with  us  and  with  themselves. 


14  GOOD  BEHAVIOR. 

37.  True  politeness  has  been  defined  to  be  benevolence 
in  little  things.     We  are  not  to  be  polite  merely  because 
we  wish  to  please,  but  because  we  wish  to  consider  the 
feelings  and  spare  the  time  of  others  ;  because  we  enter- 
tain that  charity  "that  thinketh  no  evil"  ;  because  we  are 
careful  of  our  neighbor's  reputation,  property,  and  person- 
al comfort,  as  we  would  be  of  our  own  ;  because,  in  a  word, 
we  desire  to  carry  into  every  act  of  our  daily  life  the  spirit 
and  practice  of  that  religion  which  commands  us  to  "Do 
unto  others  as  we  would  they  should  do  unto  us". 

38.  Good  behavior  may  well  be  regarded  as  a  minor 
sort  of  morality ;  it  is  an  outwork  for  the  defence  of  the 
laws,  good  morals,  civilization  and  private  rights. 

39.  The  very  best  behavior  consists  chiefly  in  the  ut- 
most unobtrusiveness.     To  be  well  bred  and  well  behaved 
is  to  keep    self  in  the    background  on  every    occasion ; 
to  control  every  expression  of  strong  feeling ;  to   be   of 
noiseless  bearing  and  gentle  speech  ;  to  abstain  from  all 
that  may  hurt  the  feelings  or  wound  the  prejudices  of  oth- 
ers ;   to  make  small  sacrifices  without  seeming  to  make 
them  ;  in  a  word,  to  remember  that  in  society  one  lives  for 
ethers  and  not  for  one's  self.    Boisterous  demonstrations,  or 
things  done  "just  for  fun",  are  seldom,  and  perhaps  never, 
in  good  taste. 

40.  Nowhere  does   good  behavior  exhibit  more  grati- 
fying results  than  in  the  home  circle.     Tempered  with  love 
and  fostered  by  all  the  kindly  impulses,  it  improves  the 
character  and  is  productive  of  the  happiest  results.     A  true 
gentlewoman  will  show  as  much  courtesy,  and  observe  all 
the  little  duties  of  politeness  as  unfailingly,   toward  her 
parents,  husband  and  famity  as  toward  the  greatest  stran- 
gers.    A  true  gentleman    will  never  forget  that  if  he  is 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  15 

bound  to  exercise  courtesy  and  kindness  in  his  intercourse 
with  the  world,  he  is  doubly  bound  to  do  so  with  the  in- 
mates of  his  own  household,  and  especially  toward  all  those 
who  depend  upon  him  for  advice,  protection  and  example. 
He  should  be  as  careful  of  his  manners  as  he  is  of  his  dress. 

41.  In  order  to  be  truly  polite  and  well  behaved  we 
must  be  good,  just  and  generous,  and  especially  to  our  own 
household.     Good  manners  begin  there. 

42.  Etiquette  is  not  politeness,  but  only  the  mere  out- 
ward form  of  it ;  too  often  the  mere  counterfeit.     Polite- 
ness springs  from  those  inward,   spiritual  graces,  called 
modesty,  unselfishness,   generosity.      The   manners  of  a 
gentleman  are  the  index  of  his  soul.     His  speech  is  chaste 
and  innocent  because  his  life  is  pure  ;  his  thoughts  are  sin- 
gle and  direct  because  his  actions  are  upright ;    and  his 
bearing  is  gentle  because  his  impulses  and  his  training  are 
gentle  also.     A  true  gentleman  is  entirely  free  from  every 
kind  of  pretence.     He  avoids  homage  instead  of  exacting 
it.     Mere   ceremonies   have  no  attraction  for   him.      He 
seeks  not  so  much  to  say  civil  things  as  to  do  them.     His 
hospitality,  though  hearty-  and  sincere,  will  be  strictly  reg- 
ulated by  his  means.     His  friends  will  be  chosen  for  their 
good  qualities  and  good  manners  ;  his  servants  for  their 
truthfulness  and  honesty  ;  his  occupations  for  their  useful- 
less,  or  their  gracefulness,  or  their  elevating  tendencies, 
whether  moral,  or  mental,  or  political. 

43.  But  if  truthfulness,  gracefulness,  considerateness, 
unselfishness  are  essential  to  the  breeding  of  a  true  gen- 
tleman, how  much  more  so  must  they  be  to  the  breeding  of 
a  true  lady  !     Her  tact  should  be  readier,  her  instincts  fin- 
er, and  her  sympathies  tenderer  than  those  of  the  man. 
She  must  be  even  more  upon  her  guard  than  a  man  in  all 


16  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

those  niceties  of  speech,  look  and  manner,  which  are  the 
special  and  indispensable  qualities  of  good  breeding.  Ev- 
eiy  little  drawing-room  ceremonial,  forethought  and  atten- 
tion in  anticipating  the  wants  of  her  guests,  and  the  whole 
etiquette  of  hospitality  must  be  familiar  to  her.  And  even 
in  these  points,  artificial  though  they  be,  her  best  guide, 
after  all,  is  that  practised  kindness  of  heart  which  gives 
honor  where  honor  is  due,  and  which  is  ever  anxious  to 
study  the  convenience  and  pleasure  of  others. 

44.  Every  mistress  of  a  home  must  take  especial  care 
that  her  servants  are  capable,  well  trained,  and  reliable, 
and  that   her   domestic   arrangements  are  carried  on   as 
noiselessly  and  easily  as  if  by  machinery.     In  a  well  or- 
dered household  the  machinery  is  alwa}7s  in  order,  and  al- 
ways works  out  of  sight.     No  well-bred  woman  will  ever 
make  her  servants,  her  dinner  arrangements,  her  nursery, 
or  her  domestic  affairs  a  subject  of  conversation.      The 
amusements  and  comforts  of  her  guests  are  provided  for 
without  discussion  or  comment ;  and  whatever  goes  wrong 
is  studiously  withheld  from  the  conversation  of  the  draw- 
ing-room.    Let  no  lady,  however  }^oung,  beautiful,  wealthy 
or  gifted,  for  one  moment  imagine  that  the  management 
of  her  house  can  be  neglected  with  safety  to  her  respecta- 
bility.    Though  she  may  be  rich  enough  to  have  an  effi- 
cient housekeeper,  yet  still,  the  final  responsibility  must 
rest  upon  her,  and  upon  her  alone.     No  tastes,  no  pleas- 
ures, must  stand  in  the  way  of  this  important  duty,  and 
even  if  this  duty  should  at  first  seem  irksome,  the  fulfil- 
ment of  it  is  sure  to  bring  its  own  reward. 

45.  Cleanliness,   plenty   of   fresh   air,  neatness,    and 
quiet,  are  indispensable  in  a  well  ordered  home.      A  fre- 
quent inspection  from  the  cellar  to  the  garret,  with  thor- 


GENERAL    PKECEPTS.  17 

ough  ventilation,  especially  of  sleeping  apartments,  a 
careful  removal  of  all  decaying  substances,  with  a  plentiful 
use  of  quick  lime  or  ashes,  to  suppress  the  first  evidence 
of  foul  odors,  the  source  of  which  cannot  be  immediately 
purged,  are  as  essential  to  health  as  they  are  to  comfort 
and  decency.  It,  is  believed  that  not  a  few  cases  of 
typhoid  fever,  diphtheria  and  rheumatism,  may  be  traced 
to  the  malaria  arising  from  neglected  barrels,  boxes  and 
corners  in  cellars  and  elsewhere.  A  very  little  deca}'ing 
matter,  which  some  persons  might  overlook,  even  a  neg- 
lected pantry,  may  poison  the  whole  atmosphere  of  a 
house.  Fresh  air  and  sunshine  should  be  admitted  to  the 
cellar  as  well  as  to  the  rooms,  as  often  as  possible,  and  no 
source  of  bad  air  should  be  neglected  even  for  a  part  of  a 
day.  Good  manners,  no  more  than  good  morals  or  good 
health,  can  thrive  in  an  ill-regulated  household. 

46.  The  question  of  housekeeping  involves  the  question 
Of  accounts.    The  best  possible  accounts  are  ready  money, 
paid  down  at  the  purchase ;    and  if  possible   all   others 
should  be  avoided.      No  lady  can  give  the  efforts  of  her 
husband  'a  proper  support,  and  set  a  good  example  to  her 
family,  without   being  rigidly    exact   and   precise  in  this 
matter.     Where  bills  are  incurred  at  the  shops,  a  suitable 
pass  book  should  always  be  presented  to  the  trader  to  have 
the  items  and  their  price  entered  ;  and  these  bills  should 
be  regularly  paid,  as  often  as  once  a  quarter,  if  practicable, 
receipted,   and  carefully  filed  away.      By  this  means  the 
household  expenses   can  always  be   controlled   and  kept 
within  due  limits,  and  much  unpleasantness  be  avoided. 

47.  In  fine,  good  breeding  may  be  ranked  with  the  fine 
arts  in  its  refining  and  elevating  influence  upon  the   char- 
acter of  men.     The  labor  and  expense  that  are  bestowed 


18  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

upon  the  block  of  marble,  or  upon  the  canvas,  to  give  it 
the  expression  of  the  higher  order  of  life,  grace,  and 
beauty,  might  yield  a  far  more  valuable  return  to  the  com- 
munity, if  devoted  to  improving  the  manners  of  the  poor 
and  the  outcast. 

48.  The  twenty-second  and  twenty- third  verses  of  the 
fifth  chapter  of  the  Epistle  to  the  Galatians  contain  an 
entire  code  of  good  behavior  in  themselves.      They  teach 
love,  cheerfulness,  peace,  forbearance,  courtesy,  goodness, 
faith,  mildness  of  manners,  and  self-control.      Whoever 
makes  these  the  rule  of  his  life  rnustTbe  a  well  bred  person. 

49.  A  constant  fidelity  in  small  things  is  a  great  and 
heroic  virtue. 

50.  No  well-bred  man  will  allow  his  influence  to  be 
used  by  a  combination  to  oppress  his  neighbor,  or  to  re- 
strict the  proper  exercise  of  personal  liberty  ;  nor  will  he 
find  fault  with  public  measures  except  to  mend  them. 

51.  In  some  parts  of  the  world  men  bear  the  title  of 
princes,  and  they  ma}T  have  the  gentle  manners  due  to  their 
rank ;  but  the  man  of  a  truly  princely  character  is  recog- 
nised not  so  much  by  the  titles  and  the  consideration  that 
he   receives,    as  by  the  careful   attention  which  he   pays 
to  the  interests  and  feelings  of  others.     More  personal  re- 
spect and  safety,  and  more  public  order  and  peace  are  se- 
cured by  such  attentions  than  b}-  bearing  arms  or  carry- 
ing concealed  weapons. 

52.  If  we  treat  men  ill  because  of  their  reputed   bad 
character,  we  assume  the  office  not  only  of  their  judge 
but  also  of  their  executioner. 

53.  The  barbarian  boasts  of  having  killed  his  man  ; 
but  the  Christian  should   glory  in  doing  his  fellow  man 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  19 

some  service.  Paulus  JEmilius,  the  great  Roman  general 
who  conquered  Macedon,  said  that  it  required  the  same 
genius  for  getting  up  an  entertainment  to  please  friends 
that  it  did  to  draw  up  an  army  for  defeating  enemies. 
For  which  purpose  is  it  better  that  genius  should  be  em- 
ployed ? 

54.  The  person  who  squanders  his  fortune  on  needless 
objects  is  not  more  unwise  than  he  who  makes  a  too  ex- 
travagant or  too  familiar  use  of  love  and  friendship ;  for 
these  are  treasures  of  greater  price  than  fame  or  riches. 

55.  A  particular  observance  of  conventional  forms,  es- 
peciall}T  with  intimate  friends,  ma}r  seem  of  trifling  impor- 
tance to  some  ;  but  forms  may  be  compared  to  the  vase  in 
which  the  sweetest  essence  is  preserved  ;  if  the  vase  be 
broken  the  essence  is  likely  to  become  lost.     It  is  well  not 
to  be  so  familiar  with  any  one  as  to  enter  his  house  or 
room  without  knocking. 

56.  As  nearly  as  practicable  mathematical  exactness 
should  be  the  spirit  of  our  business  transactions  ;  and  es- 
pecially  between   friends.     While  generosity  is   a  virtue 
that  graces  social  intercourse,  honesty  is  what  is  chiefly 
looked  for  in  trade.     While  praying  not  to  be  led  into 
temptation  ourselves,  we  ought  not  to  lead  others  into  it, 
even  to  the  extent  of  leaving  an  open  till  exposed  to  the 
most  wealthy. 

57.  Of  the  well  bred  it  may  be  said,  in  the  words  of 
Longfellow's  Dante, 

They  are  so  privileged  by  use  and  Nature, 
That  though  a  guilty  crowd  misguide  the  world, 
They  sole  go  right,  and  scorn  the  evil  way. 


20  GOOD     BEHAVIOR 

58.  If  we  feel  it  necessary  to  disapprove  one's  acts, 
we  must,  for  the  dignity  of  human  nature,  and  in  consid- 
eration of  our  own  faults,  endeavor  to  spare  his  personal 
pride  as  much  as  possible.  Let  guilt  appear  in  the  facts 
proved,  rather  than  in  the  charges  made  ;  in  the  opinions 
of  others  rather  than  in  the  passionate  denunciations  of 
the  accuser.  The  worst  thing  that  we  can  say  of  the 
worst  possible  of  men,  can  be  easily  echoed  back  by  them 
upon  ourselves  ;  but  he  must  be  a  very  abandoned  char- 
acter indeed,  who  will  treat  us  ill,  if  we  strive  to  think  well 
of  him. 


BY  THOMAS  RANDOLPH,  1630. 

First  worship  God ;  he  that  forgets  to  pray, 
Bids  not  himself  good  morrow  nor  good  day. 
Let  thy  first  labor  be  to  purge  thy  sin, 
And  serve  Him  first  whence  all  things  did  begin, 
Honor  thy  parents  to  prolong  thine  end; 
With  them,  though  for  a  truth,  do  not  contend, 
Whoever  makes  his  father's  heart  to  bleed, 
Shall  have  a  child  that  shall  avenge  the  deed. 

Think  that  is  just;  'tis  not  enough  to  do, 
Unless  thy  very  thoughts  are  upright,  too. 
Defend  the  truth ;  for  that  who  will  not  die, 
A  coward  is,  and  gives  himself  the  lie. 
Take  well  whatever  shall  chance,  though  bad  it  be, 
Take  it  for  good,  and  'twill  be  good  to  thee. 
First  think;  and  if  thy  thoughts  approve  thy  will, 
Then  speak,  and  after  that  thou  speak'st,  fulfil. 

So  live  with  men  as  if  God's  curious  eye 
Did  everywhere  into  thine  actions  pry ; 
For  never  yet  was  sin  so  void  of  sense, 


GENERAL    PRECEPTS.  21 

So  fully  faced  with  brazen  impudence, 
As  that  it  durst  before  men's  eyes  commit 
Their  brutal  lusts,  lest  they  should  witness  it. 
How  dare  they  then  offend  when  God  shall  see, 
That  must  alone  both  judge  and  jury  be? 

Would'st  thou  live  long?  the  only  means  are  these, 

'Bove  Galen's  diet  or  Hippocrates, 

Strive  to  live  well ;  tread  in  the  upright  ways, 

And  rather  count  thine  actions  than  thy  days; 

Then  thou  hast  lived  enough  amongst  us  here; 

For  every  day  well  spent  I  count  a  year. 

Live  well,  and  then,  how  soon  soe'er  thou  die, 

Thou  art  of  age  to  claim  eternity ; 

But  he  that  outlives  Nestor,  and  appears 

T'  have  passed  the  date  of  gray  Methuselah's  years, 

If  he  his  life  to  sloth  and  sin  doth  give, 

I  say  he  only  was— he  did  not  live. 


22  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 


ARTICLE  II. 

A 

DRESS. 

1.  Before  alluding  to  the  subject  of  dress,  it  is  proper 
to  make  some  reference  to  personal  cleanliness  ;    for  it  is 
evident  that  the  person  should  require  our  first  care  and 
attention.    As  courtesy  and  politeness  are  practised  for  our 
own  sakes  rather  than  for  others,  beginning  in  its  motive 
where  charity  begins,  viz  :  at  home,  it  is  far  better  to  have 
a  clean  person  and  a  coarse  dress  than  a  fine,  fashionable 
dress  with  an  unclean  person.     Ladies  especially  should 
remember  this.     Personal  cleanliness  is  nearty  related  to 
gentility  and  moral  puritj^ ;  and  no  one  can  property  respect 
himself  and  others  who  neglects  it.     It  is,  moreover,    as 
essential  to  the  health  of  the  body  and  mind,  and  to  beauty, 
as  it  is  to  comfort  and  decency.     How  much  sickness  and 
disease,  of  various  kinds,  are  contracted  by  a  mere  neglect 
of  personal  cleanliness ! 

2.  To  insure  cleanliness  of  person  frequent  bathing  is 
absolutely  indispensable.     We  bathe,  it  should  be  remem- 
bered, not  so  much  to  become  clean   as   to   remain   clean. 
It  has  been  recommended  by  able  writers  on  good  manners 
that  the  bath  should  be  taken  by  persons  in  good  health 
once  a  day  in  winter,  and   twice  a   day  in   summer.     For 
persons  of  really  robust  constitutions  the  cold  shower  bath 
is  very  refreshing  and  agreeable  ;  but,  as  a  general  rule,  the 


DRESS.  23 

sponge  bath,  or  towel  bath,  is  safest  and  most  convenient, 
being  readily  within  the  reach  of  every  one,  rich  or  poor, 
and  under  all  circumstances.  For  cleansing  purposes  soap 
should  be  used,  and  the  water  should  be  about  the  temper- 
ature of  the  person,  or  such  that  it  is  not  perceived  to  be 
either  hot  or  cold.  Close  with  a  showering  or  rinsing  of 
cool,  pure  water ^  followed  by  a  hard  frictional  rubbing 
with  a  coarse  towel. 

3.  The  teeth  must  be  very  carefully  brushed,  not  only 
night   and   morning,  but   after   every  meal.     Hard   tooth 
brushes  are  not  advisable,  and  a  simple  tooth  powder  of 
common  chalk  or  charcoal  is  safer  and  more  effectual  than 
any  quack  prescriptions. 

4.  The  nails  must  alwaj's  be  clean,  evenly  trimmed, 
and  never  allowed  to  grow  inordinately  long. 

5.  Never   attend  to  your  dress,  cut  your  nails,  comb 
your  hair,  nor  pick  your  teeth  or  ears  in  company,  nor  in 
the  streets.    The  place  to  attend  to  your  toilet  is  in  your  own 
apartments ;    and  when  you  are   once  carefully  dressed, 
you  will  give   the   matter   no   farther   consideration.     Of 
course  you  will  never  insert  your  fingers  in  your  nose  or 
ears,  nor  use  upon  them  any  but  the  proper  appliances,  nor 
scratch  the  head  nor  any  part  of  the  person  in  the  streets, 
nor  in  the  presence  of  others,  nor  look  in  your  handkerchief 
after  blowing  the  nose ;  for  a  well  bred  person  is  taught 
to  avoid  such  gross  habits  from  his  earliest  youth.     If  it 
should  become  necessary  to  attend  to  such  matters,  one 
must  withdraw  by  himself,  to  his  own  room  if  possible,  or 
at  att  events  aim  not  to  be  offensive. 

6.  Dress  has  been  considered,  by  some,  to  rank  among 
the  fine  arts.     To  dress  well  requires  taste,  good  sense, 
and  refinement.     The  fashions  must  always  be  followed 


24  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

to  some  extent ;  but  a  too  close  adherence  to  them  indi- 
cates foppishness  and  vulgarity.  As  a  general  rule,  one's 
dress,  like  his  manners,  should  never  attract  attention. 
True  elegance  and  refinement  will  ever  show  themselves 
in  simplicity. 

7.  As  another  general  principle  in  dress,  care  is  to  be 
taken  that  it  should  not  fit  so  closely  as  to  compress  the 
muscles,  or  person,  or  in  any  way  interfere  with  perfect 
ease  and  freedom  of  movement.     Especiall}7  ought  young 
and  growing  persons  to  have  their  dress  loose  and  easy. 
The  chest  ought  never  to  be  constrained,  but  to  have  the 
most  perfect  liberty  to  expand ;  because  free  and  open 
lungs  are  essential  to  health.     Perhaps  there  is  no  other 
attention   in   rearing   children   of  more  importance   than 
this  ;  and  there  is  none  which  is  more  neglected  by  heads 
of  families.      The   list    of  diseases   attributed   to   tight- 
lacing  and  close-fitting  dress  is  revolting.     "We  have  seen 
them  enumerated  as   follows :    headache,  giddiness,  ten- 
denc}*  to  fainting,  pain  in  the  e}Tes,  pain  and  ringing  in  the 
ears,  bleeding  at  the  nose,  shortness  of  breath,  spitting  of 
blood,  derangement  of  the  circulation,  palpitation  of  the 
heart,  water  in  the  chest,  loss  of  appetite,  squeamishness, 
depraved  digestion,  colic  pains,  induration  of  the  liver, 
dropsy,  rupture,  consumption,  etc. 

8.  To  compress  the  frame  in  which  the  vital  organs 
are  arranged,  would  be  like  compressing  the  case   of  a 
watch  so  as  to  interfere  with  its  interior  machinery.     On 
this  account  the  dress  should  not  only  fit  easily,  but  the 
person  should  always  be  borne  in  a  proper  position,  either 
in  walking  or  sitting,  with  the  shoulders  always  thrown 
back  so  as  to  give  the  chest  and  lungs  free  play.     It  is  in 
such  a  position  that  one  ought  to  be  measured  for  his  dress. 


DRESS.  25 

8.  With  respect  to  jeweliy,  refinement  should  proceed 
from  intellectual  culture  rather  than  from  the  use  of  gold 
and  precious  stones.  Ladies  should  never  wear  jewelry 
before  dinner,  and  the  less  it  is  worn  by  gentlemen 
the  better.  Let  such  as  is  worn  by  them  be  plain  and 
simple.  The  golden  rule  in  dress  is  to  avoid  extremes. 

10.  Lord  Chesterfield  held  it  as  a  maxim,  that  a  per- 
son who  is  negligent  of  his  person  and  dress  at  twenty,  will 
be  slovenly  at  forty,  and  intolerable  at  fifty  years  of  age. 

11.  Never  cultivate  a  taste  for  the  false  in  anything, 
in  dress,  furniture,  pictures,  nor  ornaments.     As  nearly  as 
possible  let  everything  you  possess  be  what  it  seems  to  be. 
To  cultivate  a  false  taste  is  like  building  one's  house  upon 
the  sand  ;  you  know  not  when  it  may  bring  upon  you  dis- 
concertment and  confusion. 

12.  False  tastes  are  acquired  by  inattention  to  mate- 
rial  differences,   by   habitually   confounding    distinctions, 
and  mixing  incongruous  things.     Persons  of  refined  tastes 
and  cultivated   manners  will  seek  to  avoid  incongruities 
under  every  circumstance  of  life. 

13.  Those  who  quit  their  proper  character  to  assume 
what  does  not  belong  to  them,  either  in  dress  or  any  thing 
else,  are,  for  the  greater  part,  ignorant  both  of  the  charac- 
ter they  leave  and  of  the  character  they  assume. 


NOT  LOST. 

The  look  of  sympathy,  the  gentle  word 
Spoken  so  low  that  only'angels  heard; 
The; secret  act  of  pure  self-sacrifice, 
Unseen  by  men,  but  marked  by  angels'  eyes; 
These  are  not  lost. 


26  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

The  happy  dreams  that  gladden  all  our  youth, 
When  dreams  had  less  of  self  and  more  of  truth ; 
The  childlike  faith  so  tranquil  and  so  sweet, 
Which  sat  like  Mary  at  the  Master's  feet ; 
These  are  not  lost. 

The  kindly  plans  devised  for  others'  good, 
So  seldom  guessed,  so  little  understood; 
The  quiet,  steadfast  love  that  strove  to  win 
Some  wanderer  from  the  woful  way  of  sin ; 
These  are  not  lost. 

Not  lost,  O  Lord,  for  in  Thy  city  bright, 
Our  eyes  shall  see  the  past  by  clearer  light; 
And  things  long  hidden  from  our  gaze  below, 
Thou  wilt  reveal,  and  we  shall  surely  know 
They  were  not  lost. 


CARRIAGE  AND  BEARING.  27 


ARTICLE  III. 
CARRIAGE  AND  BEARING. 

1.  Too  great  care  cannot  be  taken  with  children  from 
their  earliest  days,  by  parents  and  teachers,  to  insure  a 
proper  bearing  of  the  person.     We  have  already  alluded 
to  this  subject  under  the  head  of  dress.     The  same  fright- 
ful catalogue  of  diseases  which  are  incurred  from  tight- 
lacing,  or  too  confining  garments,  may  also  be  produced, 
to   some  extent,  by  neglecting   a  proper  carriage.      An 
erect  position  of  the  person,  whether  walking,  standing, 
or  sitting,  is  essential  to  the  health  of  body  and  mind,  as 
well  as  to  personal  appearance.       The  shoulders  should 
always  be  kept  thrown  back,  and  the  breast  fully  expanded  ; 
otherwise  the  lungs  will   be   compressed   and  the   whole 
machinery  of  the   s}rstem,   of  which  they  are   the  prime 
motive   power,  will  become  deranged.     When   an   erect, 
upright  position  of  the  body  has  once  been  acquired,  it 
becomes  easy  and  graceful,  as  it  is  the  most  natural. 

2.  And,  in  order  to  acquire  the  habit  of  an  erect,  easy 
carriage,  the  training  should  commence  early.     A  child 
should  be  constantly  cautioned  against  allowing  itself  to 
fall  into  a  slouching,  lolling  attitude  ;  and  for  this  purpose 
it  should  never  be  permitted  to  sit  upon  a  lounge,  sofa, 
rocking  chair,  or  armed  chair ;    for  upon  such  seats  it  is 


28  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

difficult  to  prevent  the  shoulders  from  being  thrown  for- 
ward so  as  to  derange  the  erectness  of  the  person,  and 
more  or  less  oppress  the  lungs.  A  plain  school  bench,  or 
stool,  or  a  straight  back  chair,  is  the  proper  kind  of  seat 
for  children,  and  it  were  well  to  allow  them  no  other. 

3.  As  our  climate  is  an  excessive  one,  subject  to  sud- 
den and    extreme  alternations  of  cold  and  heat,  and  of 
dryness   and   moisture,  it   operates   powerfully  upon  the 
human  frame  to  give  it  a  dejected,  delapsed  attitude,  and 
the  greater  care,  therefore,  is  necessary  to  contend  against 
it.     The   sinews  and  muscles  must  be   knit  in  a  proper 
position  while  the   person  is  }~oung  and  growing.     Even 
the  position  which  the  child  occupies  in   bed   should  be 
carefully  attended  to ;  and  it  should  never  bury  its  head 
under  the  clothes,  nor  double  itself  up  in  a  heap. 

4.  A  well-bred  person  may  be  recognized  by  his  bear- 
ing.    He  never  lolls,  nor  lounges,  nor  supports  his  arms  or 
legs  upon  the  furniture,  nor  puts  his  feet  upon  the  rounds 
of  chairs  ;    he  never  throws  his  arms  over  the  railing  of 
the  pew,  nor  leans  against  it  slouchingly  while  at  church. 
He  generally  sits  upright,  with  his  feet  upon  the  floor,  is 
seldom  restless  in  his  position,  and  is  always  quiet  and 
unobtrusive  in  changing  it.     Especially  in  church  will  his 
bearing  be  quiet  and  subdued  ;  never  in  the  house  of  God 
will  he,  on  any  occasion,  indulge  in  loud  talking,  nor  in 
laughing,  nor  in  noisy  movements. 

5.  Awkwardness  of  attitude  does  one  the  same  ill  ser- 
vice as  awkwardness  of  speech.      Lolling,  gesticulating, 
fidgeting,  and  the  like,   evince  a  want   of  training,    and 
are  not  creditable  to  those  who  exhibit  them.     A  lady  who 
sits  cross  legged,  or  side-wise  on  her  chair,  who  has  the 
habit  of  holding  her  chin,  bites  her  nails,  twirls  her  watch 


CARRIAGE    AND    BEARING.  29 

chain — a  man  who  sits  across  his  chair,  or  inclines  his 
chair  back  upon  two  legs,  or  holds  his  leg  in  any  posture 
with  his  hands, — manifests  an  unmistakable  want  of  good 
breeding.  Both  should  be  quiet,  easy,  and  graceful  in 
their  carriage ;  the  man,  of  course,  being  allowed  some- 
what more  freedom  than  the  lady. 

6.  If  an  object,  or  person,  is  to  be  indicated,  you  must 
do  it  by  words.     A  wave  of  the  hand,  or  a  slight  move- 
ment of  the  head  may  answer  in  some   cases ;  but  never 
point  with  your  finger,  nor  point  at  persons  with  anything. 
How  often  has  the  pointing  of  fire  arms  in  jest  proved  a 
source  of  life-long  wretchedness  to  those  who  have  done  it ! 

7.  Physical  education  is  almost  a  necessary  qualifica- 
tion of  the  well  bred  man  and  woman.     It  is  well  for  a 
gentleman  to  know  how  to  fence,  to  box,  to  ride,  to  shoot, 
to  swim,  and  to  play  at  billiards  ;  he  must  also  know  how 
to  dance,  to   walk,   and  to  carry  himself.      Every  lady 
should  know  how  to  dance,  whether  she  intends  to  dance 
in  society  or  not ;  the  better  her  phys  ical  training  the  more 
healthful  and  graceful  she  will  be.     Calisthenic  exercises, 
swimming,  skating,  archery,  riding,    and  driving,  all  help 
to  strengthen  the  muscles  and  render  them  supple,  and  are 
therefore   desirable.      In  round  dances  to  hold  a  lady's 
hand  in  an  unseemly  manner,  either  upon  the  hip  or  be- 
hind the  back,  is  exceedingly  coarse,  and  wholly  unpardon- 
able.     Many  ladies  who  are  fond  of  dancing  refuse   to 
dance  round  dances  at  all. 

8.  We  must  learn  to  avoid  sudden  and  hast}'  move- 
ments as  well  as  the  giving   way  to  quick  resentments. 
Matters  that  may  seem  small  or  insufferable  in  themselves, 
often  require  more  careful  forethought  and  attention  than 
those  of  greater  moment. 


30  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

9.  Dwell  not  upon  the  personal  peculiarities  of  your 
neighbors,  nor  allude  to  them  if  it  can  be  avoided. 

10.  The  act  of   shaking  hands  is   better   suited   for 
friendly  greetings  than  for  a  court  ceremony.      Men  in 
high  position  should  be  spared  a  frequent  repetition  of  it 
on  occasions  of  public  reception  ;  a  bow,  or  gentle  inclina- 
tion of  the  head  is  a  sufficient  interchange  of  civilities  on 
such  occasions  ;  and  perhaps  it  is  enough  in  the  ordinary 
salutation  between  the  sexes. 

1 1 .  One  should  be  a  cheerful  helper  as  well  as  a  cheer- 
ful  giver,   and   serve  graciously  when  he   serves  at  all ; 
not  averting  the  eyes,  nor  thrusting  or  throwing  things 
towards  a  person  with  haste  or  rudeness,  but  handing  them 
with  gentleness  and  care.     Service  churlishly  rendered  has 
nothing  noble,  generous  nor  inanty  to  commend  it. 

12.  There  are  two  ways  of   passing  strangers  or  ac- 
quaintances on  the  street ;  one  is  to  brush  by  them  with 
a  rude,  contemptuous  swagger,  or  thoughtless  rush,  with, 
perhaps,  a  piercing  whistle,  or  loud  shout  directed  to  some 
distant  quarter  ;    and  the  other  is  to  show  them  some  re- 
spectful recognition  of  their  presence.      The  latter  is  by 
far  the  best  way  for  our  own  credit. 

13.  None  but  course  natures  will  withhold  kindly  re- 
spect from  foreigners.       The   well-bred   child   would    not 
even  stare  at  them  ;  and  much  less  would  he  ever  dream 
of  assailing  them  with  insulting  words,  or  with  missiles. 

14.  Where  manners  are  put  on  for  the  occasion,  it  will 
soon  be  discovered  that  they  do  not  wear  well :  they  must 
be  thoroughly  ingrained  to  do  that.     If  the  child  does  not  ] 
acquire  good  manners  at  school,  it  will   not  be  likely  to 
exhibit  them  an}'  where  else. 


CARRIAGE  AND  BEARING.  31 

15.  Some  of  the  ablest  writers  have  claimed  that  one 
of  the  superior  excellencies  of  monarchical  and  aristocratic 
governments,  consists  in  their  maintaining  a  high  standard 
of  manners.  The  rising  generation,  therefore,  whose 
duty  it  is  to  become  the  future  supporters  of  the  Republic, 
must  see  that  there  is  no  degeneracy  of  manners  under 
that  form  of  government ;  for  ill,  uncultivated  manners 
can  never  commend  themselves  to  the  favorable  considera- 
tion of  mankind.  It  was  the  opinion  of  Socrates  (as  we 
learn  from  Xenophon)  that  they  who  know  how  to  behave, 
and  yet  do  not  behave  well,  are  no  better  than  the  igno- 
rant and  uncouth,  who  do  not  know  what  good  manners  are. 


SENSIBILITY. 

I  would  not  enter  on  my  list  of  friends, 

(Though  grac'd  with  polished  manners  and  fine  sense* 

Yet  wanting  sensibility)  the  man 

Who  needlessly  sets  his  foot  upon  a  worm. 

An  inadvertent  step  may  crush  the  snail 

That  crawls  at  evening  in  the  public  path; 

But  he  that  has  humanity,  forewarned, 

Will  tread  aside,  and  let  the  reptile  live. 

For  they  are  all — the  meanest  things  that  are — 

As  free  to  live,  and  to  enjoy  that  life, 

As  God  was  free  to  form  them  at  the  first, 

Who  in  His  sovereign  wisdom  made  them  all. 


GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 


ARTICLE  IV. 

CONVERSATION. 

1 .  Pronunciation  should  be  carefully  acquired  from  the 
standard  dictionary.      All   local   phrases,  affectations  of 
foreign  accent,  mannerisms,  exaggerations  and  slang  are 
inadmissible  in   good  society.     Equally  to  be  shunned  are 
inaccuracies  of  expression,  hesitation,  and  undue  use  of 
French  or  other  foreign  words,  and   anything   approach- 
ing to  flippancy,  coarseness,  triviality,  or   prevarication. 
The  voice   should  never  be  loud,   nor  accompanied  with 
much  gesticulation  ;  and  the  features  should  ever  be  under 
strict  control.     A  half  opened  mouth,   a  grinning  smile, 
a'loud  laugh,  a  vacant  stare,  a  wandering  ejTe,  a  tone  of 
voice  pitched  too   high,  a  bickering  strain  of  comment  on 
what  one  says  are  all  evidences  of  ill  breeding.     One  may 
be  as  awkward  with  the  mouth  as  with  the  arms  or  legs. 
A  reasonable  control  of  visible  emotion,  whether  of  laugh- 
ter, or  anger,  or  mortification,  or  disappointment,  is  con- 
sidered a  sure  mark  of  good  breeding. 

2.  Next   to  unexceptionable  grammar,  correct  elocu- 
tion,  and  a  frank,  self-controlled  bearing,  it  is  necessary 
to  be  genial.      Do  not  go  into  society  unless  you  can  make 
up  your  mind  to   be   cheerful,  sympathetic,  animating,  as 
well  as  animated.       Duluess    is  one   of  the   unforgivable 


CONVERSATION.  33 

offences.  Society  does  not  require  you  to  be  as  hilarious  as 
if  you  had  just  come  into  a  fortune,  but  you  have  no 
right  to  look  as  if  you  had  just  lost  one. 

3.  Testify  your  respect,  your  admiration,  your  grati- 
tude, by  deeds,  not  words.   Words  are  easy,  deeds  difficult. 
Few  will  give  weight  to  the  first,  but  the  last  carry  con- 
firmation with  them. 

4.  All  slang  and  cant  phrases  are  vulgar,  and  show  a 
want  of  proper  breeding.     They  lower  the  tone  of  society 
and  the  standard  of  thought.     It  is  a  great  mistake  to  sup- 
pose that  they  are  in  any  way  a  substitute  for  wit,  or  for  re- 
fined sprightliness. 

5.  Scandal  is  the  least  excusable  of  all  conversational 
vulgarities.     It  is  a  greater  offence  against  society  than 
theft ;  for  it  is  more  impossible  to  protect  one's  self  against 
it.     It  is  not  only  an  offence  against  good  manners,  but  it 
is  a  moral  wrong.     No  well-bred  person  will  ever  repeat 
it,  nor  even  lend  it  a  willing  ear.    The  receiver  of  scandal- 
ous tales  commits  almost  as  great  a  fault  as  he  who  deals 
in  them.     If  we  prefer  each  other  in  honor  we  shall  seldom 
entertain  ill  thoughts  against  our  neighbors. 

6.  Religious  controversy  is-a  subject  which  should  nev- 
er be  introduced   in  general  societ}'.     It  is  the  one  sub- 
ject on  which  persons  are  most  likety  to  differ,  and  least 
likely  to  preserve  their  temper. 

7.  Interruption  of  the  speech  of  others  is  a  great  sin 
against  good  breeding.     It  has  been  aptly  said  that  if  you 
interrupt  a  speaker  in  the  middle  of  his  sentence,  you  act 
almost  as   rudely  as  if  when  walking  with  a  companion 
you  were  to  thrust  yourself  before  him  and  trip  him,  or 
stop  his  progress. 

8.  To  listen  well,  is  almost  as  great  an  art  as  to  talk 


34  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

well.     It  is  not  enough  only  to  listen  ;  3-011  must  endeavor 
to  seem  interested  in  the  conversation  of  others. 

9.  The  young  should  never  be  loudly  critical.    A  young 
person  of  either  sex  cannot  help  appearing  ridiculous  -when 
satirizing  books,  people,  or  things  ;  opinion,  to  be  worth 
the  consideration  of  others,  should  have  the  advantage  of 
genius  or   maturity.      Criticisms  of   sermons  heard  from 
the  pulpit  are  seldom  in  good  taste.     Indulgence  in  satire 
and  irony  is  often  but  the  evidence  of  our  own  deficien- 
cies.    Flat  contradiction  is  far  from  being  genteel. 

10.  Address  all  persons  by  their  right  names  and  titles. 
To  give  nicknames  is  general^  vulgar.    In  speaking  to  or 
of  3'oung  ladies,  always  give  them  their  title  of  Miss,  un- 
less in  the  family  circle  or  among  familiar  female  friends. 

11.  The  great  secret  of  politeness  in  conversation  is  to 
adapt  ymirself    as  skilfully  as  rna3T  be  to  3'our  company. 
It  should  be  remembered  that  people  take  more  interest  in 
their  own  affairs  than  in  anything  else  which  3'ou  can  name. 
In  te'te-a-te'te   conversations,  therefore,  lead  a  mother  to 
talk  of  her  children,  a  3'oung  lacty  of  her  last  party  or  stud3', 
an  author  on  the  subject  of  his  forthcoming  book,  or  an 
artist  of  his  exhibition  picture.     Having  furnished  the  top- 
ic, 3*ou  must  only  listen,  and  you  will  be  thought  not  only 
agreeable,  but  thoroughly  sensible,  amiable,  and  well  in- 
formed. 

12.  Be  careful  not  to  indulge  in  the  selfishness  of  out- 
shining persons,  if  3'ou  wish  to  avoid  unpopularity. 

13.  If  a  foreigner  be  one  of  the  guests  at  a  small  par- 
ty, and  does  not  understand  English  sufficiently  well  to 
follow  what  is  said,  good  breeding  demands  that  the  con- 
versation should  be  carried  on  in  his  own  language,  or  that 
he  should  be  introduced  to  some  person  conversant  with  it. 


CONVERSATION.  35 

14.  If  upon  the  entrance  of  a  visitor  you  carry  on  the 
thread  of  a  previous  conversation,  you  should   briefly  re- 
capitulate to  him  what  has  been  said  before  he  arrived. 

15.  Always  look,  but  never  stare,  at  those  with  whom 
you  converse.     Let  not  your  thoughts  nor  your  eyes  wan- 
der from  them. 

16.  Conversation  is  a  reflex  of  character.     The  preten- 
tious, the  illiterate,  the  impatient,  the  envious,  will  as  in- 
evitably  betrajr  their   idiosj'ncrasies  as   the   modest,  the 
even-tempered  and  the  generous.     Strive  as  we  may   we 
cannot  always  be  acting.     Let  us,  therefore,  cultivate  a 
tone  of  mind  and  a  habit  of  life  the  betrayal  of  which  need 
not  put  us  to  shame  in  the   company  of  the  pure  and  the 
wise  ;  and  the  rest  will  be  easy.     If  we  make  ourselves 
worthy  of  refined  and  intelligent  society,  we  shall  not  be 
excluded  from  it ;  and  in  such  society  we  shall  acquire  by 
example  all  that  we  have  -failed  to  learn  from  precept. 

17.  Until  a  person  can  avoid  giving  unpleasant  feelings 
to  any  one,  his  manners  are  far  from  perfect.     To  remind 
one  willingly  of  his  faults  or  misfortunes  is  an  unpardon- 
able offence  in  good  society.    The  true  gentleman  will  seek 
to  avoid  the  very  appearance  of  evil,  or  of  giving  offence. 

18.  There  are  certain  natural  parallels,  S3Tmbols,  indi- 
rections, double  and  reflex  meanings  in  almost  all  conver- 
sation ;  something  more  is  conveyed  than  expressed  ;  but 
it  is  generally  wrong  to  convey  ideas  except  by  the  use  of 
sincere,  plain,  and  direct  language.     All  intentional  equiv- 
ocation,  girding,   coarse  joking,  twitting,  all  whispering, 
and  talking  for  other  ears  than  those  of  the  person   ad- 
dressed, are  exceedingly  vulgar  and  improper. 

19.  Some  persons  have  the  habit  of  making  fictitious 
and  false  statements  for  the  purpose  of  conveying  an  idea. 


36  GOOD   BEHAVIOR. 

Politicians  of  the  lower  order  are  veiy  prone  to  do  this ; 
but  it  is  an  evidence  of  a  superficial  character,  that  is  lack- 
ing in  the  first  element  of  good  breeding,  which  is  truth. 
Let  no  one  imagine  that  he  has  an  idea  so  valuable  or  so 
delicate  that  it  may  excuse  falsehood  as  a  means  of  its 
conveyance.  Nor,  on  the  other  hand,  can  truth  and  candor 
be  acceptable  as  an  excuse  for  rudeness  and  incivility. 
Honesty  is  no  excuse  for  coarseness. 

20.  It  is  well  to  avoid  all  controverted  questions  in  so- 
cial circles,  or  at  least  so  to  conduct  them  as  to  shun  heat 
and  excitement. 

21.  "When  you  are  in  Rome  do  as  the  Romans  do." 
This  precept  in  good  manners  relates  entirely  to  acts  that 
are  good  and  proper  in  themselves,  and  not  to  those  which 
are  vicious.     It  is  not  intended  as  an  excuse  for  crime,  nor 
for  improper  compliance  with  the  ways  of  the  wicked  and 
frivolous  ;  nor  that  we  should  exchange  our  Christian  man- 
ners for  those  that  are  inculcated  under  the  reign  of  Moham- 
medism  or  Buddhism.     A  sound  conscience  is  like  a  stub- 
born fact ;  but  though  it  cannot  bend  for  the  sake  of  pleas- 
ing an}Tbody,  }^et  we  must  remember  that  its  chief  use  is 
for  our  own  government,  and  not  for  that  of  others.     We 
may  use  it  in  self-defence,  and  should  never  fear  to  dis- 
please others,  if  need  be,  b}r  quietly  and  civilly  declining 
to  do  wrong.     We  need  not  make  others  unhappy  because 
we  are  good.     It  is  the  well  who  must  care  for  the  sick  and 
ailing ;  and  the  more  unwell  a  man  is,  or  in  other  words, 
the  worse  his  character  is,  the  more  kindly  considerate 
should  our  manner  towards  him  become. 

22.  The  noble  minded  man  is  generous  ;  he  will  never 
permit  himself  to  exult  over  the  faults  or  misfortunes  of 
others,  even  in  his  inmost  feelings,  and  the  only  use  that 


CONVERSATION.  37 

he  will  make  of  the  faults  of  others  is  to  correct  his  own. 
In  the  words  of  England's  greatest  poet,  the  evil  speaker 
is — 

"A  slave,  whose  gall  coins  slander  like  a  mint." 

23.  The  gentleman  of  real  refinement  will  never  talk 
disrespectful!}'  of  religion,  nor  of  the  ladies,  nor  indulge  in 
pleasantly  or  sportive  talk  on  subjects  of  the  Bible  ;  and 
especially  will  he  abstain  from  speaking  slightingly,  or  with 
levity  of  elderly  women  or  of  maiden  ladies. 

24.  If  you  would  avoid  the  odious  office  of  scandals' 
pawn-broker,  never  accept  the  charge  of  a  secret  from  a 
man  who  shows  by  his  desire  to  deposit  it  with  you  that 
he  cannot  keep  it  himself.     Every  secret  that  you  burden 
yourself  with  is  a  hindrance  to  your  liberty.     Gold  itself 
is  of  no  value  if  it  may  not  be  freely  circulated. 

25.  All  proper  written  communications  should  receive 
written  answers,  and  as  soon  as  convenient.     Good  breed- 
ing is  shown  as  much  by  the  form,  style,  spelling,  neatness 
and  fair  handwriting  of  a  letter  as  in  any  other  way.     The 
temptation  to  indulge  in  anonymous  communications  will 
never  be  entertained  by  those  who  value  purity  and  frank-  , 
ness  of  character. 

27.  The  excellencies  necessary  to  good  conversation 
will  naturally  be  carried  into  our  correspondence  ;  and  it 
should  be  remembered  that  a  letter  which  causes  one  much 
trouble  to  decipher,  is  seldom  worth  the  reading  or  writing. 
An  illegible  autograph  does  not  give  one  a  favorable  idea 
of  the  writer. 

27.  As  one  naturally  desires  to  appear  in  the  most  be- 
coming dress,  so  he  should  endeavor^  always  to  clothe  his 
thoughts  in  the  best  possible  language,  generally  seeking 


GOOD   BEHAVIOR. 

to  express  himself  in  the  kindest  and  most  obliging  terms ; 
for,  while  soft  answers  turn  awa}r  wrath,  the  rudeness  that 
engenders  ill  feeling  and  provokes  resentment,  can  seldom 
serve  any  useful  purpose.  One  may  render  himself  as  of- 
fensive by  curtness  and  reticence  as  by  over  familiarity 
and  coarseness.  Genteel  persons  are  recognized  by  the 
kindly  sj^mpathetic  tone  and  manner  of  their  speech.  The 
strong  and  generous  man  never  belittles  others  in  their  own 
estimation ;  his  presence  elevates  instead  of  depressing 
them. 

28.  Impure  and  inordinate  thoughts,  and  also  envy  and 
hate,  may  at  times  enter  the  best  regulated  minds,  as  rep- 
tiles often  intrude  among  choice  and  cultivated  flowers, 
but  refined  people  will  never  harbor  improper  ideas  for  a 
single  moment. 

29.  A  distinguished  French  writer  says  of  the  French 
language,  that  of  all  languages  it  is  the  one  best  adapted 
to  express  with  ease,  propriety  and  delicacy  the  various 
shades  of  thought  in  conversation,  and  that,  for  this  reason, 
it  contributes   throughout  Europe  to  one  of  the  greatest 
enjoyments  of  life.     What  this  writer  says  of  the  French 
language,  every  one  should  strive  to  make  his  own  lan- 
guage ;  viz  :  a  means  of  easy,  neat  and  refined  enjoyment. 
The  youth  who  accustoms  his  tongue  to  coarse  expressions, 
can   give  no  enjoyment  to  refined  society.     Frederic  the 
Great  of  Prussia  said  that  satire  is  not  fit  for  the  mouth 
of  a  prince.     Ladies  do  no  generally  indulge  in  it,  and 
gentlemen  would  do  well  to  follow  their  example. 

30.  It  both  strengthens  and  refines  the  mind  to  learn 
how  to  express  our  opinions  without  directly  contradicting 
those  with  whom  we  converse. 


CONVERSATION.  39 

31.  There  are  some  things  which  respectable  society 
requires  should  never  be  mentioned.     If  you  believe  that 
the  person  whom  you  are  dealing  with  does  not  speajv  the 
truth,  and  deem  it  necessary  to  check  him,  it  were  better 
to  tell  him  that  he  makes  a  mistake,  or  is  under  a  wrong 
impression,  than  to  be  more  emphatic  in  your  qualification, 
of  what,  after  all,  might  have  some  extenuation.     It  is  a 
very  gross,  unpardonable  offence  to  tell  a  man  that  he  lies. 
Men  who  accuse  others  of  cowardice,  or  of  a  want  of  gen- 
tility, are  generally  not  remarkable  for  courage  nor  for 
good  breeding  themselves.     The  true  lady  will  secure  the 
respect  of  men  in  other  ways  than  by  calling  them  no  gen- 
tlemen.    And  generally,  it  is  well  not  to  charge  persons 
with  acts  or  intentions  that  tend  to  degrade  them. 

32.  In  sending  verbal  messages- to  your  &ignds,  it  is 
polite  to  prelude  them  with  you*' compliments^  - 

^r 


WORDS . 

'Tis  good  to  speak  in  kir 
And  soothe  where'er  we  call 

Fair  speech  shall  bind  the  human  mind, 
And  love  link  man  to  man. 

But  stop  not  at  the  gentle  words, 
Let  deeds  with  language  dwell ; 

The  child  that  fosters  starving  birds, 
Should  scatter  crumbs  as  well. 

The  mercy  that  is  warm  and  true, 

Will  lend  a  helping  hand ; 
Who  only  talks,  yet  fails  to  do, 

But  builds  upon  the  sand. 


40  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 


ARTICLE  V. 

AT  THE  TABLE. 

1.  Family  re-unions  at  meals  should  always  be  render- 
ed pleasant  and  agreeable.     The  occasion  is  a  proper  one 
for  the  observance  of  all  the  social  amenities,  and  should 
be  marked  by  the  most  kindly  interchange  of  thought  and 
feeling.     The  minor  etiquette  of  the  table  must  always  be 
remembered  and  observed.    Over-haste  in  eating  is  as  rude 
and  vulgar  as  it  is  unhealthful. 

2.  No   family  is   too  poor  to   have   the   table  cover- 
ed with  a  white,  clean  cloth,  ornamented  with  flowers  in 
their  season,  and  made  inviting  with  refined  manners  and 
cheerful  intercourse. 

3.  As  soon  as  you  are  seated,  place  }Tour  table  napkin 
across  your  knees,  and  put  your  roll,  or  bread,  by  the  left 
side  of  your  plate.     As  soon  as  you  are  helped,  begin  to 
eat ;  or,  if  the  viands  are  too  hot,  take  up  your  knife  and 
fork  and  prepare  to  begin.     Never  wait  for  others,  and 
never  offer  to  pass  on  the  plate  to  which  you  have  been 
helped  ;    at  least  unless   there  should  be   no   servant  in 
attendance.     The  lady  of  the  house  who  sends  your  plate 
to  you  is  the  best  judge  of  precedence  at  her  own  table. 
Soup  and  fish  should  never  be  partaken  of  a  second  time. 
Whenever  there  is  a  servant  to  help  3-011,  never  help  }Tour- 
self  nor  others  unless  requested  to  do  so  :  when  the  servant 


AT   THE    TABLE.  41 

is  near  catch  his  eye  and  ask  for  what  you  want.  To 
make  a  noise  with  the  mouth  or  lips  while  eating  or  drink- 
ing, to  breathe  hard,  to  cough  or  sneeze  without  averting 
the  head  and  covering  the  face  with  the  napkin,  to  drink 
a  whole  glassful  at  once,  or  to  drain  a  glass  to  the  last 
drop,  is  inexpressibly  vulgar. 

4.  The  knife  must  never  be  carried  to  the  mouth,  nor 
should  the  spoon  be,  unless  the  nature  of  the  food  abso- 
lutely requires  it. 

5.  The  bread  by  your  plate  is  to  be  broken,  never  cut. 
Mustard,  salt,  etc.,  are  put  at  the  side  of  the  plate,  and 
one  vegetable  should  never  be  heaped  on  the  top  of  the 
other.     The  wine  glass,  if  used,  is  to  be  held  by  the  stem, 
and  never  by  the  bowl,  and  the  plate  must  never  be  tilted 
on  any  occasion.     In  eating  one  must  not  bend  the  head 
voraciously  over  the  plate,  extend  the  elbows,   rattle  the 
knife  and  fork,  nor  soil  the  table  cloth ;  but  he  must  be 
quiet  and  gentle  in  all  his  movements. 

6.  Anything  like  greediness,  haste,  or  indecision  is  ill-' 
bred.      Never  take  the  choicest  piece,  nor  take  up  one 
piece  and  la}7  it  down  in  favor  of  another,    nor  hesitate 
as  to  which  piece  you  will  take,  nor  whether  you  will  take 
one  at  all..    To  be  particular  about  such  trifles  shows  a 
degree  of  heedless  selfishness  which  is  inconsistent  with 
good  manners. 

7.  There  are  different  ways  of  disposing  of  the  stones 
and   seeds  of  fruit,  such  as  cherries,  plums,  raisins,  etc. 
They  should  be  conveyed  from  the  mouth  and  deposited 
upon  the  side  of  the  plate  in  the  least  offensive  manner. 
Very  dainty  feeders  press  out  the  stones  with  the  fork,  in 
the   first   instance,    and   thus    get   rid   of    the    difficulty. 
This  is  the  safest  way  for  ladies. 


42  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

8.  Taking  wine  with  people,  and  giving  toasts  at  din- 
ners,  once   considered  as  traits  of  refinement,   are  now 
going    out    of  use   in  some   parts   of  Christendom.      To 
remain  long  in  the  dining  room  after  the  ladies  have  left, 
is  a  poor  compliment   to  both  the  hostess  and  her  fair  vis- 
itors.    Still  worse  is  it  to  rejoin  them  with  a  flushed  face 
and  impaired  powers  of  thought.     A  refined  gentleman  is 
always  temperate. 

9.  Should  you  be  asked  to  take  wine,  it  is  polite  to 
select  that  which  your  interlocutor  is  drinking.     If  you 
invite  a  lady  to  take  wine,  }rou  may  ask  which  she  will  pre- 
fer, and  then  take  the  same  yourself.    Should  you,  however, 
prefer  some  other  vintage,  you  can  take  it,  by  courteously 
requesting  her  permission. 

10.  It  is  still  thought  to  be  uncivil,  in  some  countries, 
to  decline  taking  wine  if  you  are  invited  to  do  so.     In  ac- 
cepting you  have  only  to  pour  a  little  fresh  wine  into  3rour 
glass,  look  at  the  person  who  invites  you,  bow  slightly  and 
take  a  sip.     It  is  particularly  ill-bred  to  empty  your  glass 
on  such  occasions.     Of  course,  if  you  are  a  total  abstainer, 
3'ou  will  make  that  fact  a  respectful  excuse  for  declining  the 
proffered  compliment.     It  should  ever  be  borne  in  mind  that 
the  greatest  misery  and  wretchedness  which  afflict  mankind, 
and  which  visit  children  to  the  third  and  fourth  generation 
with  insanity  and  disease,  ^are  attributed  to   the  vice  of 
intemperance,  and  especially  to  that  form  of  intemperance 
which  shows  itself  in  the  misuse  of  intoxicating  drinks. 

11.  If  you  should  unfortunately  be  so  awkward  as  to 
overturn  or  break   anything,  never  apologize  for  it ;   for 
there  is  simply  no  possible  excuse  for  such  a  blunder. 

12.  If  you  send  your  plate  to  be  helped  a  second  time, 
it  is  well  to  hold  your  knife  and  fork  in  the  left  hand. 


AT    THE    TABLE.  43 

13.  The  lady  of  the  house  should  never  send  away  her 
plate,  nor  appear  to  have  done  eating,  till  all  her  guests 
have  finished.     Nor  should  she  reprove  her  servants  before 
guests,  nor  make  excuses  for  anything  that  may  go  wrong. 

14.  All  well  ordered  dinners  begin  with  soup,  whether 
in  summer  or  winter.     The  lady  of  the  house   should  help 
it,  and  send  it  round  without  asking  each  individual  in  turn 
— it  is  as  much  an  understood  thing  as  the  bread  beside 
each  plate  ;  and  those  who  do  not  choose  it  are  always  at 
liberty  to  leave  it  untasted . 

15.  Finger-glasses    containing  water   slightly  warmed 
and  perfumed  are  placed  before  each  person  at  dessert.    In 
these  you  dip  your  fingers ,  wiping  them  afterwards  on  your 
table   napkin.      If  the  finger-glass    and  doil}r  are  placed 
on  your  dessert  plate,  you   should  immediately   remove 
the  doily  to  the  left  hand,  and  place  the  finger-glass  upon 
it.    Of  course  you  will  never  use  your  goblet  nor  your  tum- 
bler as  a  finger-glass  ;  for  people  would  naturally  think  that 
such  a  shocking  misuse  of  things  is  not  an  exceptional  in- 
stance with  you. 

16.  Never  address  your  conversation  to  a  person  im- " 
mediately  on  his  taking  a  seat  at  the  table,  because  the  par- 
taking of  food  is  regarded  by  some  as  a  kind  of  sacrament-, 
which    they  precede  by    a   private   grace  whenever  it  is 
omitted  as  a  ceremony  for  the  company  present.    By  speak- 
ing to  them  at  this  moment  you  might  give  them  a  disa- 
greeable interruption. 

17.  It  need  hardly  be  said'  that  the  proper  place  for 
eating  is  at  the  table,  and  that  fruit  and  other  kinds  of  food 
should  not  be  eaten  in  the  streets,  nor  at  public  assemblies 
where  it  is  not  provided  for  all.     Well-bred  persons  will 
always  observe  the  proprieties  of  time  and  place. 


44  GOOD   BEHAVIOR. 

18.  Never  play  with  any  of  the  things  upon  the  table 
nor  handle  them  idly  ;    nor  make  a  grating  noise  with  your 
chair  on  taking  or  leaving  your  place. 

19.  Avoid  hasty  movements,  and  be  sure  that  the  food 
never  falls  from  your  plate  upon  the  table  cloth. 

20.  However  poor  and  scanty  the  fare,  let  it  be  partak- 
en of  with  a  cheerful  disposition  and  a  proper  observance  of 
forms.     It  is  conducive  to  health,  both  moral  and  physi- 
cal.    It  were  hard  to  say  which  is  worse  at  the  table,  ill- 
cooked  food  or  angry  or  unpleasant  subjects  of  conversation. 

21.  In   the   best   regulated  households  meals  will  be 
served  at  regular  hours,  and  every  member  of  the  family 
should  be  prompt  in  attendance,  remaining  in  his  seat,  if 
possible,  until  the  repast  is  finished. 

22.  It  is  considered  a  mark  of  grossness,  by  some,  to 
discuss  the  quality  of  the   food   upon   the   table,  whether 
good  or  bad  ;  or  to   handle  or  touch  with   the  fingers  the 
food  that  others  are  to  eat ;  or  to  eat  eggs  from  a  tumbler 
or  goblet ;  or  to  churn  them  therein. 

23.  It  is  not  refined  to  speak,  as  some  do,  of  "  wash- 
ing down"  food  by  wine  or  other  beverage. 

24.  It  is  better  to  make  use  of  the  proper  implements 
for  feeding  than  to  resort  to  the  fingers  as  people  some- 
times do. 

25.  Some  refined  persons  when  speaking  of  eating  a 
meal,  never  designate  it  b}T  the  pronoun  my^  as  my  dinner, 
my  supper,  etc.     It  sounds  selfish. 


LIFE'S  RECKONING. 

If  we  sit  down  at  set  of  sun, 

And  count  the  things  that  we  have  done, 

And,  counting,  find 
One  self  denying  act,  one  word 


AT   THE    TABLE.  45 

That  eased  the  heart  of  him  who  heard ; 

One  glance  most  kind, 
That  fell  like  sunshine  where  it  went ; — 
Then  we  may  count  that  clay  well  spent. 

But  if  through  all  the  livelong  day, 
We've  eased  no  heart  by  yea  or  nay ; 

If  through  it  all 

We've  done  no  thing  that  we  can  trace, 
That  brought  the  sunshine  to  a  face ; 

No  act  most  small, 

That  helped  some  soul,  and  nothing  cost; — 
Then  count  that  day  as  worse  than  lost. 


4G  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 


ARTICLE  VI. 

RIDING   AND  DRIVING— THE   PROMENADE. 

1.  Riding   is   an  accomplishment  in  which  all   ladies 
and  gentlemen  desire  to  be  proficient ;    but  to  ride  well 
one  must  be  taught  earl}T  and  practice  constantly.    Riding, 
like  swimming,  cannot  be  taught  by  precept. 

2.  The  art  of  mounting  gracefully  must  be  properly 
acquired.     The    lady,   having   mounted  the   riding  steps, 
places  her  left  foot  in  the  stirrup,  rises  into  her  seat,  and 
lifts  the  right  leg  dexterously  into  its  place,  taking  care  to 
let  the  habit  fall  properly  and  gracefully.     If  no  mounting 
steps  are  at  hand,  it  is  the  place  of  her  escort  or  groom  to 
assist  her  to  the  saddle.'    Hence  it  is  necessary  to  learn  to 
mount  in  both  ways.       In  the  latter  case  she  puts  her  left 
foot   in   the   right  hand  of  the  gentleman  or  servant   in 
attendance ;    he    lifts    it  vigorously  but   gently ;    and   she 
springs  lightly  into  the  saddle. 

3.  The  great  point  in  riding  is  to  sit  straight  in  your 
saddle  ;  never  lean  forward,  nor  ride  too  fast,  nor  rise  in 
trotting.     In  passing  a  person  whom  you  may  meet  on  the 
road,  alwaj's  turn  to  the  right. 

4.  The  chief  point  in  driving  is   moderation.     Never 
urge  your  horse  in  going  either  up   or   down   hill  ;    turn 
corners  with  a  gentle  speed,  and  never   assume  any  airs  of 
exhilaration.     Ladies  who  drive  ought  to  know  something 
about  the    harness.      On  alighting  from  or  entering   the 


RIDING    AND    DRIVING THE    PROMENADE.  47 

carriage  the  dress  should  not  be  allowed  to  trail  on  the 
ground. 

5.  A  gentleman  in   riding,  as   in  walking,  gives   the 
lady  the  wall.     If  he  assists  a  lady  to  mount,  he  holds  his 
hand  at  a  convenient  distance  from  the  ground  that  she 
may  place  her  foot  in  it.     As  she  springs  he  aids  her  by 
a  firm,  steady  lift.     Practice  only  will  enable  one  to  do 
this  properly.     A  gentleman,   while  riding  with  a  lady, 
never  permits  her  to  pay  the  tolls. 

6.  In  the    carriage   a  gentleman  places  himself  writh 
his   back  to  the  horses  and  leaves  the  best  seat  for  the 
ladies.     Only  very  elderly  gentlemen  are  privileged  to  ac- 
cept the  best  seat  to  the  exclusion  of  young  ladies.     No 
gentleman  in  a  double  carriage  alone  with  a  lad}7  should 
sit  beside  her,  unless  he  is  her  husband,  father,  son,  or 
brother.     Even  an  affianced  lover  should  observe  this  rule 
of  etiquette. 

7.  With  respect  to  the  promenade — a  gentleman  can- 
not offer  to  escort  a  lady  home  from  a  party,  unless  at  the 
intimation  or  with  the  sanction  of  the  lady  of  the  house. 
If  she  declines  the  offer  of  his  arm  he  should  not  repeat  it. 

8.  On  meeting  friends  or  acquaintances  in  the  streets, 
at  exhibitions,  or  any  other  public  places,  one  must  be 
careful  not  to  pronounce  their  names  so  loudly  as  to  at- 
tract the  attention  of  strangers.     Never  call  across  the 
street,  and  never  attempt  to  carry  on  a  dialogue  with  one 
when   other   persons    are   intervening   between    him    and 
}Tourself. 

9.  A   lady   should   not   enter   into    conversation  with 
a  gentleman  with  whom  she  is  unacquainted,   though,  if 
addressed   in    a    respectful    manner,    she    must    answer 
politely. 


48  GOOD   BEHAVIOR. 

10.  Some  suitable  response  should  always  be  given  to 
well-meant  attention.     To  cut  one  is  utterly  inexcusable, 
unless   men  whose   acquaintance  the  lady  does  not  wish 
to  keep  up  persist  in  bowing.      Disdain  or  scorn  does  not 
become  beauty. 

11.  If  a  lady  has  had  any  gentleman  especially  intro- 
duced to  her  at  a  party,  has  talked  much  to  him,  and  has 
been,  perhaps,  led  down  by  him  to  dinner  or  supper,  she 
may  bow  if  she  meets  him  next  day  in  the  promenade,  or 
on  the   street ;  but   never  recognize  a  gentleman  unless 
3Tou  are   perfectly   sure   of  his   identity.     Though   ladies 
usually  bow  while   giving   or  returning  a  salute,  yet   at 
times   the   courtesy  possesses  infinitely  more   grace  and 
attractiveness,  especially  when  done  in  the  proper  spirit. 
It  exhibits  a  finer  degree  of  homage  and  regard  than  the 
bow. 

12.  If  a   gentleman  meets   a   lady  with  whom  he  is 
quite  intimate,   in  the   streets,    and   desires  to   converse 
with  her,  he  should  not  stop  her,  but  turn  and  walk  be- 
side her  in  whichever  direction  she  is  going.     When  he 
has  said  all  that  he  wished  to  say,  he  can  take  his  leave. 
If  he  meets  with  a  lady  with  whom  he  is  not  particularly 
well  acquainted,  he  should  wait  for  her  recognition  be- 
fore he  ventures  to  bow  to  her.     In  bowing  to  a  lad}T  he 
lifts  his  hat  with  the  hand  farthest  from  her.     If  he  is  on 
horseback  and  wishes  to  converse  with  a  lady  who  is  on 
foot,  he  must  dismount  and  lead  his  horse.     A  gentleman 
cannot  cut  a  lad}7  under  any  possible  circumstances :  nor 
are  there   hardly  any  conditions  where   it   is  permissible 
even  with  the  men.     The  true  gentleman  is  seldom  ever 
driven  to  such  a  strong  means  of  self-defence. 

13.  Never  stare  at  ladies  nor  at  strangers  in  the  street. 


RIDING    AND    DRIVING THE    PROMENADE.  49 

14.  If  you  so  far  forget  what  is  becoming  as  to  smoke 
in  the  streets,  never  omit  to  throw  away  your  cigar  if  you 
speak  to  a  lady. 

15.  One  will  do  well  to  bow  respectfully,  by  way  of  a 
general  salutation,  on  entering  a  room  among  strangers, 
and  never  to  fall  into  the  discussion  of  religious  or  political 
subjects  while  in  a  public  vehicle.     Never  give  particular 
attention  to   persons  on   their   entering   church   or  other 
public  assembly ;  they  should  be  allowed  to  enter  unob- 
served.    One  will  less  seldom  err  by  taking  off  his   hat 
in  the  way  of  politeness  than  by  keeping  it  on. 

16.  •  When  two  persons  Jire  walking  upon  the  side  walk, 
abreast,  and  meet  a  third  person,  the  nearer  of  the  two 
should  fall  bapk  to  allow  the  third  to  pass,  if  the  narrow- 
ness of  the  walk  requires  it. 

17.  One  can   never   disregard  nor  come  short  of  the 
rules  of  good  behavior  with  credit  to  his  own  character. 
Good  breeding  is  always  perceived  and  appreciated,  even 
by  those  who  are  not  accustomed  to  it  themselves. 


NEVER  RUN  IN  DEBT. 

The  chains  that  bind  debtors  are  heavy  and  cold, 

The  links  all  corrosion  and  rust, 
Gild  them  o'er  as  you  will,  they  are  never  of  gold, 

Then  spurn  them  aside  with  disgust. 

The  man  who's  in  debt  is  but  a  mere  slave, 
Though  his  heart  may  be  honest  and  true; 

Can  you  hold  up  your  head,  and  look  honest  and  brave, 
When  a  note  you  can't  pay  becomes  due? 


50  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 


ARTICLE  VII. 

AT  SCHOOL. 

1.  Every  school  must,  in  the  first  place,  be  carefully 
organized  ;  that  is,  the  pupils  are  to  be  divided  into  suita- 
ble classes,  according  to  age  and  capacity,  designated  by 
numbers,  or  letters  of  the  alphabet,  as  first  class,  second 
class,  third  class,  or  class  A,  class  B,  class  C,  etc.  ;  regu- 
lar times  are  appointed  for  the  exercises  of  each,  for  the 
beginning  and  ending  of  the  daily  sessions,  and  for  inter- 
missions or  recesses ;  and  a  general  system  of  manners, 
forms,  and  ceremonies  is  prescribed  for  punctual  observ- 
ance ;  for  without  this,  pupils  can  never  be  well  trained,  nor 
put  in  a  proper  condition  for  the  observance  of  the  princi- 
ples of  good  behavior. 

2.  The   dress   of  the   pupils   should   be   scrupulously 
neat ;  for  neatness  is  indispensable  as  the  first  element  of 
good  breeding.     Respectable  parents,  and  all  who  desire 
to  be  respectable,  will  never  send  their  children  to  school 
without  first  seeing  that  their  dress  is  properly  attended  to  ; 
well  mended  if  torn  ;  carefully  washed  if  soiled  ;  their  hair 
neatly  combed ;  their  shoes  tied  and  blacked,  etc.      The 
quality  of  a  dress  is  not  to  be  so  much  regarded  as  its 
wholeness  and  neatness.     All  children  whose  parents  take 
care  to  present  them  at  school  in  a  neat   dress,  and  in 
gentle,  quiet  manners,  are  to  be  kindly  commended  and 
encouraged  by  the  teacher,  while   those  of  an  opposite 


AT   SCHOOL.  51 

character  should  have  their  attention  called  to  their 
defects.  The  condition  of  a  family  as  to  respectability 
can  always  be  told  by  the  appearance  of  the  children 
which  it  sends  to  school.  Worthy  parents  will  have  neatly 
clad,  well  behaved  children,  however  poor  they  may  be. 

3.  Good  morals   and  good  manners,  together  with  a 
neat  person  and  tidy  dress,  will  place  the  poorest  on  a 
level  with  the  highest  and  best  of  the  land. 

4.  At  recesses  the  girls  are  allowed  precedence  of  the 
boys,  going  out  and  coming  in  first,  by  themselves,  and 
the  boj-s  afterwards,  according  to  classes,  beginning  with 
the  youngest  classes  first,  or  those  nearest  the  door,  and 
ending  with  the  oldest,  or  those  farthest  from  the  door. 

5.  As  the  movements  of  well-bred  persons  are  always 
quiet  and  free  from  noise,  the  pupil,  therefore,  on  going  out 
or  coming  into  the  schoolhouse,  or  on  crossing  the  floor,  is 
always  to  avoid  haste  or  loud  noise  in  walking,  or  in  any 
other  way ;  and  when  entering  or  leaving  school  should 
make  his  manners  at  the  door.     The  boy,  on  entering  the 
school   while   in  session,  having  first  taken  oif  his  hat, 
makes  a  bow  to  the  teacher,  or  for  the  assembly  in  general ; 
and  on  leaving  the  school  he  turns  at  the  door  and  does 
the  same.     The  girls  can  make  either  a  bow  or  a  courtesy, 
though  the  latter  is  frequently  the  most  becoming.     Not 
until  well  out  of  the  house  should  any  play  begin. 

6.  Where  the  schools  are  very  large,  as  in  some  of  our 
principal  towns,  the  teacher  sometimes  marches  his  schol- 
ars from  and  to  their  seats  at  recess,  at  the  sound  of  a 
bell.     At  the  first  stroke  of  the  bell  they  form  in  one  rank, 
the  youngest  first,  and  at  the  second  they  march  quietly 
and  orderly  to  or.  from  their  places.      In  this   case  the 
bow  may  be  omitted  at  the  door. 


52  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

7.  The  beginning  and  ending  of  every  recitation  should 
be  accompanied  by  an  obeisance  from  the  reciting  class, 
at   the   intimation   or  word  from  the  teacher,   as — Your 
manners  !  or — Your  obeisance  !  and,  though  the  class  may 
be  seated   in   the  interim,  the   pupil  must   always  stand 
while  reciting,  reading,  or  spelling. 

8.  When  a  visitor,  and  especially  a  distinguished  visit- 
or, like  the  President,  or  a  Governor,  or  foreigner  of  dis- 
tinction enters  the  school-room,  the  pupils  should  all  rise 
and  remain  standing  until  he  is  seated  ;  and  on  his  taking 
leave  they  do  the  same  until  he  has  left  the  door.      In 
cases  where  visits  are  frequent  or  numerous,  as  on  ex- 
amination  days,  or  in  our  larger   centers  of  population, 
this  ceremony  might  be  omitted,  at  the  discretion  of  the 
teacher.     It  is  better  to  seek  occasions  for  politeness  than 
excuses  for  the  want  of  it. 

9.  On  meeting  grown  persons,  upon  the  street  or  road, 
the  pupil,  if  spoken  to  by  them,  should  always  reply  with 
a  bow  or  courtesy,  the  boy  taking  off  or  touching  his  hat ; 
and  if  the  meeting  be  on  the  road,  in  unfrequented  places, 
it  is  well  for  the  pupil  to  make  his  manners  whether  spok- 
en to  or  not.     Kindness  and  civilhV^  to  strangers  is  one  of 
the  most  beautiful  traits  of  civilization.     Foreigners   of 
every  degree  should  be  received  with  especial  kindness  and 
consideration. 

10.  It  is  never  well-bred  to  whisper  in  company  ;  and 
hence  the  best  behaved  children  will  never  be  seen  whis- 
pering in  school. 

11.  When  the  pupil  finds  it  neccssaiy  to  ask  a  ques- 
tion of  his  teacher,  he  first  raises  his  hand  to  signify  his 
wish ;  and  if  permitted  to  speak,  he  is  always  to  preface 
his  request  with — Please  Teacher,  or  Please  Sir,  or  Please 


AT    SCHOOL.  53 

Ma'am ;  and  whenever  he  replies  to  his  teacher,  or  any 
grown  person,  he  should  never  omit,  for  his  own  sake,  the 
politeness  of  adding  sir,  or  ma'am,  as  No  Sir,  or  Yes  Sir, 
No  Ma'am  or  Yes  Ma'am.  A  child  thus  well  behaved  is  sure 
to  win  the  esteem  of  all,  both  for  itself  and  its  parents. 

12.  No  child  should  ever  suffer  itself  to  do  discredit 
to  its  breeding,  to  be  thrown  off  its  balance,  or  fail  in  the 
observance  of  good  behavior  on  account  of  the  haste,  im- 
patience, or  rudeness  of  others,  or  for  any  other  cause. 
He  will  never  be  rude  and  offensive  to  his  playfellows ;  nor 
call  hard  names,  nor  apply  nicknames  ;  and  he  will  always 
be  respectful  towards  the   old  and  the  unfortunate.      To 
imitate  or  follow  the  bad  manners  of  others,  would  be  like 
wearing  soiled  and  ragged  clothes  because  others  might  be 
seen  in  them. 

13.  At  the  beginning  of  the  school  term  particular  at- 
tention will  be  naturally  paid  to  establishing  a  system  of 
rules  and  observances ;    and  the  well-behaved  pupil  will 
adhere  to  them  with  perfect  fidelity. 

14.  As  we  should  put  others  to  as  little  inconvenience 
as  possible,  the  pupil  should  never  ask  the  teacher's  assist- 
ance, nor  occup^y  his  time,  when  he  can  effect  the  same 
purpose  by  his  own  exertions. 

15.  It  is  exceedingly  vulgar  and  ill  bred  to  mark,  cut, 
or  deface  in  any  waj^  the  walls  or  furniture  of  public  build- 
ings.     One  should  ever  be  more  careful  of  the  things  of 
others  than  of  those  which  belong  to  himself.     In  a  repub- 
lic, the  preservation  and  good  condition  of  public  edifices 
should  be   the  care  of  all.     Instead  of  defacing  school- 
houses,  it  would  be  better  for  the  pupils  to  ornament  and 
beautify  them  by  planting  shrubbery  and  flowers. 

16.  u  Order  is  Heaven's  first  law  ;"  and  it  should  never 


54  GOOD   BEHAVIOR. 

be  forgotten  that  good  behavior  is  the  first  law  and  order 
of  respectable  society.  Without  it,  the  school  would  be  an 
injury  instead  of  a  benefit  to  the  community.  If  the  school 
fails  in  the  inculcation  of  good  manners,  together  with  the 
other  elements  of  education,  it  proves  defective  in  one  of 
its  most  important  objects,  which  is  to  civilize,  refine  and 
elevate  the  human  race. 

17.  As  the  health  and  comfort  of  pupils  are  of  great 
importance,  it  is  to  be  presumed  that  School  Commitee  men 
and  Superintendents  will  make  the  most  careful  provision 
to   that  end  possible ;  will  see  that  school-houses  (when 
newly  built)  are  well  located,  on  dty,  elevated  and  pleasant 
situations ;  that  they  are  well  ventilated ;  that  the  stoves, 
when  used,  do  not  heat  the  head  instead  of  warming  the 
feet;  that  shelves,  pegs,  umbrella  stands,  etc.,  are  pro- 
vided in  the  entry,  sufficient  for  the  use  of  every  pupil ;  and 
when  all  necessary  conveniences  have  been  provided,  the 
pupil  should  make  a  proper  use  of  them,  as  he  would  in 
his   own   house.     Where   a  place    is  provided  for  every- 
thing, everything  should  be  kept  in  its  place  ;  and  a  wrong 
or  improper  use  should  never  be  made  of  anything. 

18.  No  good  pupil  will  ever  be  a  tale-bearer ;  but  when 
questioned  by  the  teacher  will  always  tell  the  truth,  simply, 

without  prejudice  or  passion. 

19.  A  distinguished  educator  has  said  that  if  a  child's 
manners  be  neglected  until  the  age  of  ten  years,  the  de- 
fect can  always  be  detected  afterwards.      No  child,  there- 
fore, should  ever  surfer  itself  to  fall  into  the  habit  of  dis- 
regarding the  rules  of.  good  breeding ;  for,  by  so  doing,  it 
would  inflict  an  injury  upon  the  credit  of  its  parents,  and 
upon  its  own  future  good  name  and  standing  in  society. 
None  but  the  vicious  could  be  willing  to  appear  ill-bred. 


AT    SCHOOL.  55 

20.  To  "  show  spirit"  is  thought  by  some  to  be  very 
admirable  ;  but  it  is  perhaps  oftener  the  manifestation  of  a 
selfish  and  misdirected  nature  than  of  a  generous  and  el- 
evated one.     The  kingdom  of  heaven  is  not  given  to  the 
over-rich   in   spirit,  but  to   the  poor  in  spirit.     And  the 
least  worthy  of  all  spiritedness,  in  a  republican  country,  is 
that  which  makes  a  merit  of  arraying  itself  against  the 
authority  of  the  teacher. 

"  Oftentimes  it  doth  present  harsh  rage, 
Defect  of  manners,  want  of  government, 
Pride,  haughtiness,  opinion  and  disdain : 
The  least  of  which,  haunting  a  nobleman, 
Loseth  men's  hearts ;  and  leaves  behind  a  stain 
Upon  the  beauty  of  all  parts  besides, 
Beguiling  them  of  commendation." 

21.  The  rules  of  good  behavior  may  be  regarded  as 
standing  in  the  same  relation  to  social  intercourse  that  the 
Constitution  does  to  the  government  of  the  country ;  their 
observance  is  essential  to  the  interests  and  welfare  of  all. 

22.  Some   nations  are  noted  for  their  manners,  and 
others  for  their  morals ;  happy  are  that  people  who  are 
distinguished  for  both. 

23.  Remember,  the  true  man  never  trifles  with  his  own 
character ;  but  lives  up  to  his  profession  in  the  sight  of  all 
men,  with  sincerity  and  candor;  and  never  proves  treach- 
erous to  them  even  in  appearance.      As  independence  of 
character  is  the  most  valuable   worldly  endowment  that  a 
man  can  possibly  possess,  he  should  seek  to  preserve  and 
augment  it,  as  he  would  his  own  fortune,  by  every  means 
consistent  with  the  rights  of  others.     While  readily  yield- 
ing his  opinions  in   unimportant  matters,  he  should  never 


56  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

suffer  himself  to  be  driven  nor  dragged  into  courses  which 
his  own  convictions  of  right  condemn.  The  pupil  at  school 
should  never  hesitate  to  separate  himself,  though  he  should 
stand  entirely  alone,  from  disorderly  and  mutinous  com- 
panions. He  who  gives  himself  up  to  popular  movements 
without  a  close  examination  into  their  worthiness  of  his 
support,  is  like  the  thoughtless  street  bo}r  who  follows 
every  band  of  music  that  comes  along.  It  is  character, 
not  spiritedness,  that  makes  the  man  of  merit. 

24.  Peevish  temper,  cross  and  frowning  faces,  and  un- 
comely looks  have  sometimes  been  cured  in  France  by  send- 
ing the  child  into  an  octagonal  boudoir  lined  with  looking- 
glasses,  where,  whichever  wa}T  it  turned,  it  would  see  the 
reflection  of  its  own  unpleasant  features,  and  be  constrained, 
out  of  self-respect,  to  assume  a  more  amiable  disposition. 

25.  If  we  look  for  the  principal  mainsprings  of  action 
and  power  among  men,  we  shall  find  them  to  consist  of 
these   five   qualities,  viz.   virtue,  beaut}',  genius,  family, 
and  wealth.     Of  these  some  are  direct  gifts  from  Heaven, 
while  others  are  attained  through  industry  and  effort ;  and 
all  of  them  may  be  cultivated  and  heightened  in  effect ; 
but,  unless  they  are  exercised  in  a  proper  manner,  they  may 
prove  ruinous  to  the  possessors  and  an  injury  to  society. 

26.  It  is  well  to  accustom  children  to  a  strict  attention 
to  truth,  even  in  the  most  minute  particulars.     If  a  thing 
happened  at  one  window,  and  they,  when  relating  it,  say 
it  happened  at  another,  do  not  let  it  pass,  but  instantly 
check  them  ;  3*011  do  not  know  where  deviations  from  truth 
may  end.     Truth  is  to  the  soul  what  light  is  to  the  e}-es. 
Anything  that  obscures  the  truth  is  like  dimming  the  light 
by  which  we  would  see  to  work  or  read. 


AT    SCHOOL.  57 

27.  As  the  well  trained  soldier  stands  the  fire  of  the 
enemy  like  a  veteran,  so  the  man  well  trained  in  good  man- 
ners will  stand  the  false  opinions  that  may  be  entertained 
of  him,  with  forbearance,  serenity  and  composure. 

28.  When  we  have  first  ascertained  our  duties  towards 
others,  we  shall  then  perceive  more  clearly  their  duties  to- 
wards ourselves. 

29.  When  in  company  with  one  or  more  persons,  let  not 
a  common  feeling  with  them  lead  }^ou  to  disregard  the 
rights  and  sensibilities  of  individuals  who  are  alone. 

30.  When  exhibiting  a  picture  or  other  work  of  art  of 
your  own  composition  for  public  view,  it  is  polite  to  attach 
its  title,  by  card  or  otherwise,  together  with  your  own  name. 

31.  The  habit  of  promptness  that  is  inculcated  in  our 
best  conducted  schools  should  be  observed  through  life,  in 
all  our  intercourse  with  our  fellow  men.      If  possible  to 
avoid  it  we  should  never  enter  an  assembly  after  the  exer- 
cises observed  there  have  commenced,  nor  take  our  leave 
before  they  are  over. 

32.  The  child,  when  making  a  visit  at  the  house  of 
friends  or  strangers,  should  salute  the  head  of  the  family 
present  when  it  arrives,  and  take   formal  leave  at  its  de- 
parture. 

33.  As  the  diamond  among  gems,  so  is  the  human  being 
among  all  created  things ;  but  as  without  hardness  the  di- 
amond would  be  little  worth,  so  without  moral  firmness  man 
is  of  no  value.     However  much  he  might  shine  and  glow, 
he  would  be  held  in  little  repute.     Nor  is  the  rough  dia- 
mond held  in  esteem  except  that  it  may  be  cut  and  shaped 
for  ornament  or  use. 

34.  In  order  that  chanty  may  begin  at  home  with  us, 
we  must  not  do  ourselves  what  we  condemn  in  others. 


58  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

35.  We  need  not  make  a  promise  that  can  be  properly 
avoided,  but  should  alwa}Ts  strictly  comply  with  such  as 
we  do  make.  It  is  better  to  be  free  than  bound. 


BE  BRAVE  AND  TRUE. 

Whatever  you  are,  be  brave,  boys ! 
Whoe'er  fears  the  truth  is  a  slave,  boys ; 

Though  clever  at  ruses, 

And  sharp  at  excuses, 
He  plays  but  the  part  of  the  knave,  boys. 

Whatever  you  are,  be  frank,  boys ! 
'Tis  better  than  money  and  rank,  boys ; 

Still  cleave  to  the  right, 

Be  lovers  of  light, 
Be  open,  above  board,  and  frank,  boys ! 

Whatever  you  are,  be  kind,  boys! 

Be  gentle  in  manners  and  mind,  boys; 
The  man  gentle  in  mien, 
Words  and  temper,  I  ween : 

Is  the  gentleman  truly  refin'd,  boys. 

But  whatever  you  are,  be  true,  boys! 

Be  visible  through  and  through,  boys ; 
Leave  to  others  the  shamming, 
The  "hazing  "  and  "  cramming," 

In  fun  and  in  earnest,  be  true,  boys. 


RULES    OF    BEHAVIOR.  59 


ARTICLE  VIII. 


RULES  OF  BEHAVIOR. 

[Taken  from  the  papers  of  General  George  Washington,  and  copied  by 
him  from  some  unknown  source,  when  thirteen  years  of  age.] 

1.  Every  action  in   company  ought   to  be  with  some 
sign  of  respect  to  those  present. 

2.  In  presence  of  others  sing  not  to  yourself  with  a 
humming  noise,  nor  drum  with  your  fingers  or  feet. 

3.  Sleep  not  when  others  speak,  sit  not  when  others 
stand,  speak  not  when  you  should  hold  your  peace,  walk 
not  when  others  stop. 

4.  Turn  not  your  back  to  others,  especially  in  speak- 
ing ;  jog  not  the  table  or  desk  on  which  another  reads  or 
writes  ;  lean  not  on  any  one. 

5.  Be  no   flatterer;     neither  play  with  any  one  that 
delights  not  to  be  pla}Ted  with. 

6.  Read  no  letters,  books,  nor  papers  in  company  ;  but, 
when  there  is  a  necessity  for  doing  it,  you  must  ask  leave. 
Come  not  near  the  books  or  writings  of  any  one  so  as  to 
read  them,  unless  desired, ^nor  give  your  opinion  of  them 
unasked  ;    also,  look  not  nigh  when  another  is  writing  a 
letter. 

7.  Let  your  countenance  be  pleasant,  but  in  serious 
matters  somewhat  grave. 


60  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

8.  Show  not  yourself  glad  at  the  misfortune  of  another, 
though  he  were  your  enemy. 

9.  When  you  meet  with  one  of  greater  quality  than 
3rourself,  stop  and  retire,  especially^  if  it  be  at  a  door  or 
any  strait  place,  to  give  way  to  him  to  pass. 

10.  They  that  are  in  dignity,  or  in  office,  have  in  all 
places  precedency  ;  but,  whilst  they  are  young,  they  ought 
to  respect  those  who  are  their  equals  in  birth,  or  other 
qualities,  though  the}T  have  no  public  charge. 

11.  It  is  good  manners  to  prefer  those  to  whom  we 
are  to  speak  before  ourselves,  especially  if  the}7  be  above 
us  with  whom  in  no  sort  we  ought  to  begin. 

12.  Let  your  discourse  with  men  of  business  be  short 
and  comprehensive. 

13.  In    visiting   the   sick   do   not   presently   play   the 
physician,  if  you  be  not  knowing  therein. 

14.  In  writing,  or  speaking,  give  to  every  person  his 
due  title,  according  to  his  degree  and  the  custom  of  the 
place. 

15.  Strive  not  with  your  superiors  in  argument,  but 
always  submit  your  judgment  to  others  with  modesty . 

16.  Undertake  not  to  teach  }'our  equal  in  the  art  him- 
self professes  ;  it  savors  of  arrogancy. 

17.  When  a  man  does  all  he  can,  though  it  succeeds 
not  well,  blame  not  him  that  did  it. 

18.  Being   to  advise  or  reprehend   anj-  one,  consider 
whether  it  ought  to  be  in  public  or  private,  presently  or  at 
some  other  time,  in  what  terms  to  do  it ;  and,  in  reprovings 
show  no  signs  of  choler,   but  do  it   with  sweetness  and 
mildness. 

19.  Take  all  admonitions  thankfully,  in  what  time  or 
place  soever  given  ;    but   afterwards,  not  being  culpable, 


RULES    OF    BEHAVIOR.  61 

take  a  time  and  place  convenient  to  let  him  know  it  that 
gave  them. 

20.  Mock   not  nor  jest   at   anything  of  importance ; 
break  no  jests  that  are  sharp-biting,  and,  if  you  deliver 
anything  witty  and  pleasant,  abstain  from  laughing  thereat 
yourself. 

21.  Wherein  3-011  reprove  another,  be  unblamable  }~our- 
self ;  for  example  is  more  prevalent  than  precept. 

22.  Use   no    reproachful    language    against   any  one; 
neither  curse,  nor  revile. 

23.  Be  not  hasty  to  believe  flying  reports  to  the  dis- 
paragement of  any. 

X  24.  In  your  apparel  be  modest,  and  endeavor  to  ac- 
commodate nature  rather  than  to  procure  admiration  ; 
keep  to  the  fashion  of  your  equals,  such  as  are  civil  and 
orderly  with  respect  to  times  and  places. 

25.  Play  not  the  peacock,  looking  everywhere    about 
you  to  see  if  you  be  well  decked,  if  your  shoes  fit  well,  if 
your  stockings  set  neatly,  and  your  clothes  handsomely. 

26.  Associate   yourself  with  men  of  good  quality,  if 
you  esteem  your  own  reputation ;    for  it  is  better  to  be 
alone  than  in  bad  company. 

27.  Let  your  conversation  be  without  malice  or  envy, 
for  it  is  a  sign  of  a  tractable  and  commendable  nature  ;  and , 
in  all  causes  of  passion,  admit  reason  to  govern. 

28.  Be  not  immoderate  in  urging  your  friend  to  discov- 
er a  secret. 

29.  Utter  not  base  and  frivolous  things  amongst  grave 
and  learned  men  ;  nor  very  difficult  questions  or  subjects 
among  the  ignorant ;  nor  things  hard  to  be  believed. 

30.  Speak  not  of  doleful  things  in  time  of  mirth,  nor 
at  the  table :    speak  not  of  melancholy  things,   as  death 


62  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

and  wounds ;  and  if  others  mention  them,  change,  if 
can,  the  discourse.     Tell  not  your  dreams  but  to  your  in- 
timate friend. 

31.  Break   not   a  jest  where   none   takes  pleasure   in 
mirth ;    laugh   not   aloud,    nor    at   all   without    occasion. 
Deride  no   man's  misfortune,   though  there  seems   to  be 
some  cause. 

32.  Speak  not  injurious  words,  neither  in  jest  nor  earn- 
est ;  scoff  at  none  although  they  give  occasion. 

33.  Be  not  forward,  but  friendly  and  courteous;  the 
first  to  salute,  hear,  and  answer ;  and  be  not  pensive  when 
it  is  time  to  converse. 

.  34.     Detract  not  from  others,   neither  be  excessive  in 
commending. 

35.  Go  not  thither  where  you  know  not  whether  you 
shall  be  welcome  or  not.     Give  not  advice  without  being 
asked,  and,  when  desired,  do  it  briefly. 

36.  If  two  contend  together,  take  not  the  part  of  eith- 
er unconstrained,  and  be  not  obstinate  in  your  own  opin- 
ion ;  in  things  indifferent  be  of  the  major  side. 

37.  Reprehend  not  the  imperfections  of    others,    for 
that  belongs  to  parents,  masters  and  superiors. 

38.  Gaze  not  on  the  marks  or  blemishes  of  others, 
and   ask  not  how  they  came.      What  you  may  speak  in 
secret  to  your  friend,  deliver  not  before  others. 

39.  Speak  not  in  an  unknown  tongue  in  company,  'but 
in  your  own  language,   and  that  as  those  of  quality  do, 
and  not  as  the  vulgar  ;  sublime  matters  treat  seriously. 

,  40.  Think  before  you  speak,  pronounce  not  imperfect- 
ly,  nor  bring  out  your  words  too  hastily,  but  orderly  and 
distinctly. 

41.     When  another  speaks  be  attentive  yourself,   and 


RULES    OF   BEHAVIOR.  63 

disturb  not  the  audience.  If  any  hesitate  in  his  words, 
help  him  not  nor  prompt  him,  without  being  desired  ;  in- 
terrupt him  not,  nor  answer  him  till  his  speech  be  ended. 

42.  Treat  with  men  at  fit  times  about  business ;  and 
whisper  not  in  the  company  of  others. 

43.  Make  no  comparisons,  and,  if  any  of  the  company 
be  commended  for  any  brave  act  of  virtue,  commend  not 
another  for  the  same. 

44.  Be  not  apt  to  relate  news,  if  you   know  not  the 
'truth  thereof.     In  discoursing  of  things  you  have  heard, 

name  not  your  author  always.     A  secret  discover  not. 

45.  Be  not  curious  to  know  the  affairs  of  others,  neith- 
er approach  to  those  that  speak  in  private. 

46.  Undertake   not  what  you  cannot  perform,  but  be 
careful  to  keep  your  promise. 

47.  When  you  deliver  a  matter,  do  it  without  passion, 
and  with  discretion,  however  mean  the  person  may  be  you 
do  it  to. 

48.  When  your   superiors  talk  to   anybody,    hearken 
not,  neither  speak,  nor  laugh. 

49.  In  dispute,  be  not  so  desirous  to  overcome,  as  to 
give  liberty  to  each  one  to  deliver  his  opinion  ;  and  sub- 
mit to  the  judgment  of  the  major  part,  especially  if  they 
are  judges  of  the  dispute. 

50.  Be  not  tedious  in  discourse  ;  make  not  many  di- 
gressions, nor  repeat  often  the  same  manner  of  discourse. 

51.  Speak  not  evil  of  the  absent,  for  it  is  unjust. 

52.  Make   no   show  of  taking  great   delight  in   your 
victuals  ;  feed  not  with  greediness  ;  lean  not  on  the  table  ; 
neither  find  fault  with  what  you  eat. 

53.  Be  not  angrj-  at  table,  whatever  happens;   and  if 
you  have  reason  to  be  so,  show  it  not ;  put  on  a  cheerful 


64  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

countenance,    especially  if  there   be    strangers,  for   good 
humor  makes  one  dish  of  meat  a  feast. 

54.  Set  not  yourself  at  the  upper  end  of  the  table  ;  but, 
if  it  be  your  due,  or  that  the  master  of  the  house  will  have 
it  so,  contend  not,  lest  you  should  trouble  the  company. 

55.  When  you  speak  of  God  or  his  attributes,  let  it 
be  seriousty  and   in   reverence.     Honor   and   obey    your 
natural  parents,  although  they  be  poor. 

56.  Let  your  recreations  be  manful  not  sinful. 

57.  Labor   to   keep    alive   in   your   breast   that   little 
spark  of  celestial  fire  called  conscience. 

The  historian  Sparks,  in  speaking  of  these  rules,  saj's 
that  "they  are  fitted  to  soften  and  polish  the  manners,  to 
keep  alive  the  best  affections  of  the  heart,  to  impress  the 
obligation  of  the  moral  virtues,  to  teach  what  is  due  to 
others  in  the  social  relations,  and  above  all  to  inculcate 
the  practice  of  a  perfect  self-control." 

"  In  studying  the  character  of  Washington,"  the  histori- 
an adds,  "it  is  obvious  that  this  code  of  rules  had  an  influ- 
ence upon  his  whole  life.  His  temperament  was  ardent, 
his  passions  strong,  and,  amidst  the  multiplied  scenes  of 
temptation  and  excitement  through  which  he  passed,  it 
was  his  constant  effort  and  ultimate  triumph  to  check  the 
one  and  subdue  the  other.  His  intercourse  with  men,  pri- 
vate and  public,  in  every  walk  and  station,  was  marked 
with  a  consistency,  a  fitness  to  occasion,  a  clignit}7,  de- 
corum, condescension,  and  mildness,  and  respect  for  the 
claims  of  others,  and  a  delicate  perception  of  the  nicer 
shades  of  civility  which  were  not  more  the  dictates  of  his 
natural  good  sense  and  incomparable  judgment  than  the 
fruits  of  a  long  and  unwearied  discipline." 


RESOLUTIONS    FOR    SELF-GOVERNMENT.  65 


ARTICLE  IX. 
RESOLUTIONS  FOR  SELF-GOVERNMENT. 

BY  JONATHAN  EDWARDS. 

Perhaps  neither  Washington,  nor  Jefferson,  nor  Frank- 
lin, was  so  thorough  a  representative  of  American  institu- 
tions, as  was  Jonathan  Edwards.  He  was  born  in  Con- 
necticut eighty-three  years  after  the  landing  of  the  Pil- 
grims at  Plymouth,  and  died  as  President  of  Princeton 
College,  New  Jersey,  in  1758.  From  the  seventy  resolu- 
tions framed  by  him  for  the  special  regulation  of  his  own 
conduct,  and  which,  through  his  teachings,  left  an  abiding 
impression  upon  the  character  of  the  early  fathers  of  the 
republic,  we  extract  the  following : — 

To  be  endeavoring  to  find  out  fit  objects  of  charity  and 
liberality. 

Never  to  do  anything  out  of  revenge. 

Never  to  suffer  the  least  motions  of  anger  towards  ir- 
rational beings. 

Never  to  speak  evil  of  any  one,  so  that  it  shall  tend 
to  his  dishonor,  more  or  less,  upon  any  account,  except  for 
some  real  good. 

That  I  will  live  so  as  I  shall  wish  I  had  done  when  I 
come  to  die. 

To  maintain  the  strictest  temperance  in  eating  and 
drinking. 


66  GOOD    BEHAVIOR. 

In  narrations  never  to  speak  any  thing  but  pure  and 
simple  verity. 

Never  to  give  over,  nor  in  the  least  to  slacken,  nay  fight 
with  my  corruptions,  however  unsuccessful  I  may  be. 

Not  onty  to  refrain  from  an  air  of  dislike,  fretfulness,  and 
anger  in  conversation,  but  to  exhibit  an  air  of  love,  cheer- 
fulness and  benignity. 

Let  there  be  something  of  benevolence  in  all  that  I 
speak. 


If  we  plant  hate,  then  hate  will  spring; 

For  love  from  hate  can  never  grow ; 
What  we  sow  to-day,  to-morrow  may  bring 
The  proof,  by  its  bloom,  what  sort  of  a  thing 

Is  the  seed — the  seed  that  we  sow. 


ARTICLE  X. 

JEFFERSON'S  TEN   RULES. 

1 .  Take  things  alwa}'s  by  the  smooth  handle. 

2.  Never  spend  your  money  before  you  have  it. 

3.  We  seldom  repent  of  having  eaten  too  little. 

4.  Pride  costs  us  more  than  hunger,  thirst  and  cold. 

5.  Nothing  is  troublesome  that  we  do  willingly. 

6.  Never  put  off  till  to-morrow  what  you  can  do  to-day. 

7.  Never  trouble  another  for  what  }'ou  can  do  yourself. 

8.  Never  buy  what  you  don't  want  because  it  is  cheap. 

9.  How  much  pain  those  evils  have  cost  us  that  never 
have  happened  ! 

10.  When  angry  count  ten  before  you  speak ;  if  very 
angry,  count  a  hundred. 


APPENDIX. 


APPENDIX. 

Hints  for  the  Building  of  School  Houses. 

Yard. — To  contain  thirty  two  square  feet,  at  least,  for  each  pupil ; 
fenced  in  from  outer  view  towards  thoroughfares  and  alleys. 

The  site. — Elevated  and  free  from  dampness  ;  free  access  to  the 
sun  on  three  sides  of  the  house  ;  not  over-much  shaded  with  trees, 
nor  near  factories,  railroads,  etc. 

The  cellar. — To  be  dry  and  extend  under  the  entire  building  ;  or 
a  dry  air  space  of  at  least  two  feet. 

Basement. — The  ceiling  to  be  six  feet  above  the  ground,  and  ten 
feet  high  ;  the  rooms  to  be  thoroughly  lighted,  and  to  serve  for  gym- 
nasiums, clothes  closets,  etc.;  never  to  be  used  for  school  work. 

Entries.  Warmed  and  ventilated,  and  lighted  chiefly  from  the 
outside. 

Stairs.  Fire-proof;  straight;  height  of  steps  four  and  a  half  to 
five  inches  and  breadth  ample. 

Fire  escape.  Every  school  house  of  three  stories  or  upwards 
should  be  provided  with  fire-escapes. 

Hall. — The  floor  spaces  of  halls  should  contain  six  or  seven  square 
feet  for  every  person  which  they  are  ever  designed  to  hold,  and  have 
a  height  of  fourteen  feet.  The  ventilating  arrangements  should 
admit  an  outflow  of  a  thousand  cubic  feet  of  foul  air  an  hour  for 
every  person  assembled  therein. 

Rooms.— Should  contain  a  floor  space  of  from  fifteen  to  twenty 
square  feet  for  every  pupil,  and  a  height  of  fourteen  feet;  to  open 
into  the  entries,  with  windows  eighteen  inches  high  over  the  doors  ; 
never  papered ;  blackboard  never  placed  on  the  sides  where  the 
windows  are  ;  the  columns,  if  any  are  required,  to  be  of  iron. 


APPENDIX. 

Windows. — Never  to  be  in  front  of  the  pupils  ;  to  contain  at  least 
thirty  square  inches  of  glass  for  every  square  foot  of  floor  surface  in 
the  room  ;  The  lower  sill  to  be  three  and  a  half  or  four  feet  above 
the  floor,  and  the  upper  within  a  foot,  or  less,  of  the  ceiling. 

Ventilation.  Such  as  to  renew  the  air  of  every  study  room,  re- 
citation room,  gymnasium,  etc.,  at  the  rate  of  five  hundred  cubic 
feet  per  hour,  for  each  one  of  the  average  number  of  inmates.  For 
water  closets,  the  air  should  always  set  into  them,  not  out  from 
them. 

Water  Closets. — Separate  for  the  two  sexes ;  divided  by  screens 
when  out  of  doors.  Those  indoors  to  be  lighted,  warmed,  and  ven- 
tilated by  an  outward  draught  of  air.  Those  for  girls,  in  large 
buildings,  to  be  placed  in  the  upper  stories,  never  under  school 
rooms. 

Drains. — To  be  protected  from  rats  ;  and  precautions  taken  against 
the  fouling  of  drinking  water. 

These  rules  are  to  apply  to  the  school  houses  of  the  rural  districts 
as  far  as  practicable  ;  and  especially  with  reference  to  the  size  of 
rooms,  height  of  ceiling,  supply  of  fresh  air,  and  agreeableness  of 
situation. 


THE  END. 


TESTIMONIALS. 

HARVARD   UNIVERSITY. 

CAMBRIDGE,  MASS.,  MAECH  3d,  1876. 

GENTLEMEN  : — I  have  examined  your  Reader  for  District  Schools, 
entitled  "Good  Behavior,"  and  find  it  to  contain,  many  rules  of  good 
manners  which  children  ought  to  know,  but  which  are  much  neglect- 
ed both  in  our  homes  and  in  our  schools.  In  publishing  this  little 
book  I  think  you  have  done  a  service  to  the  cause  of  popular  edu- 
cation. The  end  of  Common  Schools  is  to  refine  and  elevate  the 
popular  character ;  and  since  character  and  manners  react  upon 
each  other,  whatever  improves  manners  will  probably  improve  char- 
acter too.  I  trust  that  this  Reader  will  be  brought  into  general  use. 
Very  truly  yours, 

CHARLES  W.  ELIOT. 
YALE   COLLEGE, 

NEW  HAVEN,  CONN.,  MAEOH  2,  1876. 

MESSRS.  CHENEY  &  CLAPP  : — The  end  proposed  in  your  District 
School  Reader  to  bring  before  young  persons  while  at  school,  some 
of  the  most  important  practical  rules  for  good  behavior,  is  eminent- 
ly important.  I  wish  your  efforts  the  amplest  success. 

N.  PORTER. 
UNIVERSITY  OF   PENNSYLVANIA. 

Locust  34th  &  36th  Street. 
PHILADELPHIA,  FEB.  24,  1876, 
Messrs.  Cheney  &  Clapp,  Brattleboro,  Vt.f 

GENTS: — I  have  read  with  great  interest  and  pleasure  the  little  book, 
"Good  Behavior,"  intended  for  the  use  of  pupils  in  the  Public  Schools. 
I  entirely  agree  with  the  gentleman  who  prepared  this  manual, 
that  good  behavior  is  a  subject  concerning  which  our  young  people 
sadly  need  instruction.  It  seems  to  me  that  all  that  can  be  done  to 
teach  correct  notions  on  this  subject,  by  precept,  has  been  done  in  this 
little  book.  Whether,  however,  such  a  subject  can  be  fully  or  ade- 
quately taught,  save  by  example,  I  feel  disposed  to  doubt.  But  the 
effort  to  inspire  young  people  with  correct  principles  in  this  matter, 
deserves  all  praise,  and  I  sincerely  hope  that  your  admirable  com- 
pend  may  be  widely  distributed,  for  it  must  do*good. 

Very  Respectfully, 

C.  S.  STILLE,  Provost. 

From  WILLIAM   WOOD, 

President  of  the  Board  of  Education,  New   York  Oity. 
It  is  calculated  to  do  a  great  deal  of  good  to  teachers  as  well  as 
scholars,  and  individually  I  would  like  to  see  it  on  our  list  of  "sup- 
plies" for  the  schools  of  this  city. 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


AN     INITIAL    FINE      OF     25     CENTS 

WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
WILL  INCREASE  TO  SO  CENTS  ON  THE  FOURTH 
DAY  AND  TO  $1.OO  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


SEP    14  1932 


NO  V  20  1940 


MAY  is  1988    .« 


REC'D  UP 


NOV 1  5 1975 


AUTO.  DISC. 


0V 10 1994 


YA  02930 


U.C.  BERKELEY  LIBRARIES 


